01/04/05 One Big Silence

I had felt a slight trepidation about the lunchtime Call Centre gig in Airdrie.
I was right to feel this.
I picked up Reg Anderson who was also doing the show. We had a good and entertaining talk driving to Airdrie, as we tried to take our minds off what we had let ourselves in for.
We arrived at "beCogent" in Airdrie just before 12, and were asked to set up the PA etc in the canteen. The canteen was a large cavernous area, and had maybe about 25-30 people spread out having their lunch. I talked to a couple of the workers there and discovered that no-one had been told about this lunchtime comedy thing.
We were told that 12.30pm was the busiest time in the canteen, and we agreed to start then. There were still just a few people dotted about.
Reg took the mic...."Hello, are you ready for some comedy?" (silence) "Are you feeling happy. It's nearly the weekend!!" (silence)....
Reg introduced me and I proceeded to do 10 minutes of stand-up comedy to complete silence. (apart from the gentle clank of stainless steel on crockery).
It was a bizarre experience. I wouldn't really categorise it as "dying", mainly due to the fact that the audience just weren't interested, and weren't paying attention.
I eventually introduced Reg. I hadn't seem him before. I liked his stuff. Mad cabaret is probably the most accurate description. He uses a lot of props and is all over the place. He also has a fairly coarse tongue.
The person who'd arranged the gig for the company made me interrupt Reg's act to tell him to stop swearing, as she was afraid she would get into big trouble from the management.
Ironically this was my highest paying gig ever.
I didn't like that place. It had a very jaded ambience. I don't think the workers were very happy either. They only get a 20 minute lunch then it's straight back on to the phone lines again.
I don't think the canteen entertainment experiment will be repeated somehow.
I then proceeded to get lost trying to get out of Airdrie, and driving home took about 2 hours. Grrrr...

At night I attended the 5s Football Awards ceremony.
Witty banter was freely flowing throughout the evening.
I won the "Worst Dressed Player Award" for the 3rd year in a row. I was a bit shocked by this as I had consciously made more of an effort to display a certain sartorial elegance on the pitch. Obviously not enough though. And since I have won this award 3 times, I get to keep it for ever.
By sticking to "cooking lager", I reckon I was slightly less pissed than the "premium lager" boys. It definitely makes a big difference.
Myself and Dave Reilly, (my long time friend,fellow footballer and occasional musical collaborator www.crispycat.co.uk) had an interesting chat with the staff of a chip shop down Leith about the current Pope situation, and reflected on possible conspiracy theories relating to the demise of the previous Pope.
I had a Chicken Supper but only ate the chicken as the chips were a tad too greasy for my sophisticated palette.
I feel it is my duty to report that Dave ate some undisclosed supper, and then returned to the chip shop to buy more chips.
This was a great effort, and I think a new football award should be created.
"The Person Most Likely To Buy More Chips From A Chip Shop Immediately After Eating A Fish Supper Award"