Wednesday, December 31, 2008

They've found Tom!

I felt like a bit of an escapist experience this week, so ended up going to see "The Great Escape" at the cinema.
It was grand to see it on the big screen again. It took me back to my experience of seeing it at the cinema as a little boy, and being totally blown away by it.
Watching the tunnelling stuff in a large darkened room really boosts the claustrophobic effect.
Since I virtually know the screenplay off by heart, I paid more attention to what was going on in the background of a lot of the scenes.
There is so much more to follow in the cinematic image as opposed to the compressed TV format.
For example, in the "4th of July party" scene, where all the POWs are getting trashed on locally distilled hooch, there is some hilariously bad acting by the extras.
They've obviously been told to "appear drunk" , but are doing this in a very unconvincing way by swinging their cups from side to side in a piratey fashion, with smaller groups linking their arms, and swaying about like an old music hall act.
There's also a "Hitler youth" kid who appears in the background of a number of scenes, as a form of Nazi window dressing.
James Coburn's Australian "accent" is still just as funny after all these years.
and Danny ("Tunnel King") played by Charles Bronson, still wears the most disgusting pair of brown corduoroy trousers to escape in, (presumably he was concerned about how his nerves would hold up in the tunnel?)

There are some bits of the film that seem more than a little unlikely, (apart from Steve McQueen's fence-jumping-motorbiking...obviously)
For instance, after the escape a few of the POWs head to the train station to catch the next train out of there.
Isn't this maybe chancing things?
Wouldn't the Germans have suspected this, and checked everyone arriving at the station?
I'd have stayed in the woods, but that might have made the film less interesting?
Also, it's difficult to imagine the circumstances in which a non-German speaking American pilot and a blind, English ornithologist, could penetrate the undoubtedly high security around a German air base, and nick off with one of their planes.
But this is nit picking...it is still the classic adventure yarn.
Happy New Year!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Merry Christmas!

Ok, watch this, it's very funny, ("funny" being a prized commodity in light of the relentless shite I've been watching on television for the last couple of days).
There was a landmark moment on "Match of the Day" last week.
Highlights of Hull City v Sunderland were being shown.
They both favoured stripey tops and dark shorts.
Yes, very interesting, but if you turned down the colour on the TV to "black and white" level they were virtually indistinguishable.
Has the day now arrived whereby no-one in Britain has a designated black-and-white telly?
Maybe the credit crunch will instigate a comeback? It's a cheaper license isn't it?
I kept my "Strictly Come Dancing" fan of a brother informed of the progress of the final as he dined in a Birmingham restaurant.
I eventually informed him that all the couples were level at the end, and they had been asked to do a "Charleston" with no prior rehearsal to decide the overall champion.
Much to my amusement he believed my cruel deception.
The positive element of this escapade is that rolling on the floor, kicking your legs in the air is a very effective aerobic exercise.
The amazingly talented Mark Lawrenson has been prattling on for weeks about how Robbie Keane can't fit into Liverpool's "system" and has no long term future at the club.
He seemed to play really well yesterday, scoring two goals in the 3-0 victory over Bolton.
I was curious to hear the great football philosopher's comments on this phenomenum after the game.
He didn't mention it.
Money for old rope...money for old rope...
My "Hackney" endeavors weren't mentioned at all over Christmas Dinner by my family.
They're a tough audience to impress...
I've been criticised in the last couple of days for being too eager to drop a reference on it into a conversation at a relatively early stage, as well as being slagged off for being too coy overall about it.
So that's it...no more mentions from me...!
I watched the second half of Rangers losing to Celtic today after a bit of a yomp round Holyrood Park.
A few years ago I would have been gutted at witnessing the debacle of the Gers losing at home to an eminently beatable Celtic side.
Today, I din't really feel anything, and found myself getting progressively bored watching it.
Bored? Watching an Old Firm game?
What is happening to me?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Cor Blimey!

So anyway, I've been insanely busy at work for the last couple of weeks. By the time I get home I'm mentally frazzled and find the complicated plot structure of "Pingu The Penguin" a little too difficult to follow, so I just crash out.
I then rounded off the week with a lacklustre gig at The Stand in Glasgow.
I started and finished well, but there was a rather elongated mid-set slump.
I was chatting to some audience members at a break, and a few of them said that they thought I was funny and really liked me, but that they were too familiar with my material, having seen me several times doing a similar set.
I've always worried that this might be the case, particularly on Sunday nights in Glasgow where Michael Redmond has a cult following of regular attendees.
It was good to hear people say that though...
I thanked them and promised that on my next Sunday night there I would do a set of entirely new material, hopefully...
On a brighter note, I heard yesterday that I'm through to the final of the "Hackney New Act of the Year" competition on 17th January 2009.
I knew I'd had a really good gig in the heat, but experience has taught me to prepare for disappointment and treat anything else as a bonus.
The thought of possibly winning something like that doesn't enter my head...no chance...(well I would say that, wouldn't I?)
However, being introduced by one of my great comedy heroes, Arthur Smith, at the legendary Hackney Empire in front of 1500 people...Well, I'll have some of that!
That will be such a blast...!
Obviously, I hope I don't catastrophically die on my arse...but I've no fear about it. I'm just looking forward to having a bit of an adventure...
Apparently, the crowd can be quite feisty, and I can't rule out the possibility of hearing a resounding chorus of "Fack Off... You Cant!" ,sung to the tune of "Amazing Grace", echoing round the cavernous theatre as I depart from the stage.
But hopefully this won't happen.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

I wish it could be Xmas every day! (I don't really...)

So anyway, I found a film of this fat twat doing stand-up comedy...
There's definitely some kind of potential there though, doncha think? chortle chortle
Actually, I'm a bit disappointed with this clip.
For some reason the sound is very muffled, and gives the impression that the clip was recorded using some prehistoric condenser microphone.
It was a very lively night, and the clip doesn't really reflect that...(I would say that though, wouldn't I?)
I've been under the cosh somewhat in my daytime job, working long hours and getting mentally frazzled.
This has played havoc with my Xmas social commitments, and has resulted in me having to make several cancellations.
It's somewhat irritating to see people coming back from big boozy lunches, laughing and joking as I sit hunched behind my computer with an expression frozen in angst.
(quite similar to the facial expression that Paul Ince is currently favouring)
Mind you, my liver is having an unexpected holiday, as this time of the year is normally its "crazy time".
I decided to go the gym today but it was closed for redecoration.
I was hoping that the ventriloquist dummy was going to win "X-Factor" last night, but unfortunately he was the first to be eliminated.
However, the fact that a ventriloquist dummy was able to get all the way to the final must give all the nation's ventriloquist dummies incredible confidence and hope for the future.
There was a strange segment in the programme in which they paraded a selection of the most bizarro auditionees to come out and do an ensemble version of "Thank You For The Music".
It all felt very wrong...
There were obviously some singers who knew they were mental and crap and rejoiced in it.
However, there were also some who (judging from the auditions) actually believed they had star potential in spite of massive evidence to the contrary, and argued vehemently against their elimination.
It was quite sad to see them swallow their pride and appear in a "Parade of Shite" for our "entertainment".
The problem is, singing out of tune isn't really funny, it's just extremely painful to listen to.
I don't usually watch X-Factor though, ok?
I was just having a tea break from work.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

And another thing....

I neglected to mention that the much esteem'd Electric Mouse comedy club was started up again last week at Espionage in Victoria Street.
Graeme Harkins did a sterling job compering, with Tommy Mackay, Me, The Hobbit, Martin McAllister and Gordon Alexander making up the bill.
We had a reasonable crowd in and they seemed pretty happy with the product, so we'll be doing another in January.
I was down in London this week, and did a "Hackney Empire New Act of the Year" show.
I'm pretty anti-competition, but this was a really enjoyable gig, and it was good to catch up with old muckers of the comedy world.
It didn't really feel like your typical, common-or-garden comedy competition show.
It's basically a heat, amongst several, from which they select a number of finallists to appear next year at the famed "Hackney Empire" of old London town.
There's no winners announced on the night as they just pick a selection after seeing all the heats ; therefore you avoid crushing disappoinment and can remain happily delusional for a while.
I had a really good gig but wondered later if I'd maybe crammed too much material into my spot, (I reverted to a babbling 100mph delivery...just like the old days...I really enjoyed it!)
The flight back to Edinburgh on the next day was horrendous.
There was really bad turbulence for the whole journey, and I couldn't wait to get off the cigar tube of death.
I am something of a nervous flyer, but can usually cope with it ok. However this pushed me to the limit, and I was on the point of running up and down the aisle screaming "We're all going to die!!!"
Thankfully, I didn't have an aisle seat, and this kept me restrained.
In the worst of the turbulence, I did feel a need to begin talking to the man beside me.
I think this is a primal urge, in that we feel the need to make some sort of contact, rather than die with a group of strangers you know nothing about.
Unfortunately, he turned out to be one of the most boring people I've ever met in my life.
In some ways this was a good thing, as he made the turbulence look good in comparison.
But hey...I made it!
I'll get the bus next time I think...
Talking of competitions, I had this idea for a new comedy competition.
It's called "Universally Funny Comedian Of The Year".
There will be a series of heats in different solar systems of the Universe, with a Grand Final next year on Earth (well it's my idea, so my planet should be allowed to host the inaugural final!)
(I'd thought of a good opening line for an act..."Well, I'm surprised there's no heat on the sun for this competiton! Aye thang u!)
To qualify you have to have lived in the Universe for the last 12 months, or be married to someone who's lived in the Universe for the last 12 months...
and that's about it...there's big money prizes and a vague promise of some gigs in deep space.
It's a winner, I think...!