Friday, April 02, 2010


I bumped into Kenny, the manager of The Stand, last night.
He'd seem me doing my main road walk in Barnton as he passed on his motorbike, and thought that I looked "highly suspicious".
There's no real privacy in Edinburgh. It's a village.
I was thinking that if there was any serious crime committed on Wednesday, within the vicinity of my main road walk, then I could easily find myself to be a suspect.
The "Crimewatch" reconstruction would mention that "a man with a vacant expression wearing a blue waterproof jacket was seen walking alone in the area at approximately the same time as the offence was committed".
The police would be urging this oddball to come forward to "eliminate himself from police inquiries".
I'd be reluctant to do that though, as I'd have to reveal to the nation that I walk along main roads as a recreational activity.
The police would find that alibi so unlikely, that they might stitch me up, thinking that my defence would get thrown out by any jury as incredible ; and I don't mean that in a good way.
I've just got to hope that there wasn't a murder near the Barnton roundabout on Wednesday.
I woke up this morning with the most appalling hangover I've had in years.
I did the usual vows to never drink again, or at least for a while etc etc
But then it dawned on me that alcohol has not passed my lips for 3 days.
What I was experiencing was the after effects of spending 5 hours digging in my garden.
I was aching all over and could hardly get out of bed.
This is what happens when a normally sedentary worker dabbles in hard, manual labour.
I'd imagine that my net-curtain-twitching neighbours found the sight of me digging for 5 hours to be "highly suspicious".
What with the main road walking, and the uncharacteristic, prolonged digging in my back garden, a compelling case is being built up against me.
I finished up quits on the Wednesday night football action.
I won on Inter Milan beating CSKA Moscow, but lost on my bet of Arsenal beating Barcelona.
The Arsenal match was a perfect illustration of why you should always consolidate your winnings if you are in a favourable position on a football match.
Barcelona were leading 2-0.
The match up till that point was like Brazil vs Accrington Stanley reserves.
It's very rare to see a team so comprehensively outplayed as Arsenal were, at this stage of the Champions League.
You could have got 160/1 on Arsenal winning at this point.
The people who betted on Barcelona to win must have felt completely secure about their investment.
But of course, the unpredictable nature of football comes into effect and Arsenal score twice to draw.
They should have been 5 down at half-time ; a draw was a totally ridiculous result, given the balance of play.
Of course, a draw is a great result for bookies.
Relatively few people bet on a draw ; the inclination is to back a winner.