05/04/05 Bonnie Edinburgh

I had to get up early and head off to Luton Airport. I needed food and took a while to decide where at the airport I would prefer to get ripped off.
I went for the unfeasibly expensive Chicken wrap together with a special 2050 AD priced Pain au Chocolat. I was going to have a cup of tea but lost the will to live in the queue.
I remember a regular feature of village fairs when I was a kid was the "Slow Bicycle Race" in which the idea was to take as long as you could over a course on a bike.
The staff at Luton Airport seem to be playing a new catering version of this hilarious jape. The tea lady was the comfortable outright winner. She was so slow any movement at all was barely perceptible.
Suffering from tea withdrawal symptoms I ordered a cup of tea on the plane.
To my horror, I was supplied with a sachet of UHT milk to accompany my tea.
I don't know about you, but in terms of things I hate more than anything else in the whole wide world, UHT milk is definitely in the top 5.
It's disgusting, shitty stuff that pollutes a nice cup of tea. Why, oh why, oh why??? Ah I see...it lasts longer, is cheaper, and boosts airline profitability?
Bastards! Bastards! Bastards! (I feel better now....)
As I type, my flat and back garden are being transformed into a "Ground Zero" Theme Park, as squillions of tons of scaffolding and equipment are carried through my flat by a squad of workmen.
It's going to be a long 3 months to get this repair done.
I just hope they do a good job. If they don't I will unleash my ultimate sanction and give them tea with UHT milk. That should fire a warning shot across their bows and let them know I'm the type of guy who means business and therefore should not be trifled with.