Tuesday, May 17, 2005

15/05/05 Phew What A Scorcher

I have a theory that the lost Aztec tribes got a bit pissed off with the Spanish Conquistadors, and decided to jump in their boats and make the arduous trip to Scotland to re-settle.
If I can have my theory accepted by Historial experts, this might be regarded as the greatest historical breakthrough ever, and be regarded as the theory which turned conventional wisdom on it's head and then performing a double somersault, and a triple salko as popularised by the leading British figure skater Robin Cousins.
Aztecs were noted for worshipping the Sun. The Sun newspaper sells a lot of copies in Scotland, but that is not what I mean here.
When the sun shines in Scotland, our Scottish genes command us to go to a place of drinking, (as early in the day as possible), remove clothes to an acceptable minimum, drink continuously for 10 hours, get badly sunburnt, pick up a Chinese Carry Out on the way home, then slump into an armchair watching TV, and doze off.
Apparently, this is exactly what the original Aztec tribe used to do, (as interpreted by their surviving murals). Thankfully they had more sunny days than we do here, so didn't get quite as badly sunburnt as the modern Scots/Aztecs, since they were more used to regular sun sessions.
Instead of sacrificing a virgin in a religious ceremony, the new Aztec/Scots go for the ritual murder of a wide-oh in a bar who has allegendly been looking at a member of the local tribe "in a funny way", and would therefore be sacrificed to appease the great Sun god.

No comments: