12/05/05 Toecurler Comedy Night

Well, I thought I'd pulled out all the stops.
I'd advertised in The List, The Queensferry Gazette (including a feature article), The Guardian, Radio Forth, s1Play.Com, Chortle, put posters in all the bars in South Queensferry, supermarkets, shops even offered the staff at Agilent (South Queensferry's biggest employer) a large discount....
And on the night only 6 resident Queensfery people who I didn't know showed up!
The rest of the audience were family and friends whom I'd threatened with extreme violence should they choose not to attend this prestigious event.
The Edinburgh Samba School were in attendance and rocked the sleepy High St of South Queensferry before the gig and played a cracking set during the comedy itself.
They also added 10 to the audience, completing an all round valuable contribution to the evening. As George Galloway might say, "TESS, I salute your courage, your indefatigabilty!".
As I often said, "If someone stopped me in the street and said "Variety is dead!", I'd punch them right on the nose".
It was a bit of a shame that the atmosphere was very flat. It was a big cavernous hall and any comedy night really needs a tightly packed crowd of people to really work. I thought all the acts did ok in difficult circumstances.
I headed back into town and did some late night beer analysis.
I reckon I lost £200 on the comedy night. I blame South Queensferry. I am toying with the idea of flying an aeroplane into the town hall to wreak my revenge. Not very original I know.
Failing that I might even write a sarcastic letter to the Queensferry Gazette thanking the residents of Queensferry for their support of my comedy venture and jokingly hope that there's not an earthquake on Ferry Fair day.
Not that I'm bitter.... :-)
Anyway it was nice to see my old muckers Ralph, Jamie and Joe. Jamie and Joe were telling an amusing anecdote about a night out in Dunfermline (yes, Dunfermline...yes, that place in Fife...the party capital of Scotland! ....what? ....oh...). The trouble was they were laughing so hard telling this tale that I couldn't understand what the story was. It sounded hilarious though. I had to leave before the end of it to drive Reg and Tony into town, so I'll have to revisit this madcap tale of adventure in Fife (yes, Fife! really...)
It also turns out that Margaret, who was also there, lives in the flat below Ralph, and they didn't know they both knew me. And Margaret's flat has been flooded twice on account of Ralph's girlfriend leaving the bath running. It's a small world!
Financially yesterday was saved by me realising a vast profit on my Manchester United shares as I sold them in the afternoon.
If Malcolm Glazer wasn't so goddamn ugly I'd give him a good snog. His timing was impeccable and managed to install a flippant attitude to my piddling comedy losses.