02/05/05 Poster

It's amazing how long you can faff about trying to create a basic A4 size poster for an upcoming new comedy night.
I still think it looks pretty crap, but it'll have to do.
I'm not entirely convinced that my idea to promote a gig in South Queensferry is a good one yet. And deciding to compere it myself is a slightly risky venture as well, as it's unknown territory for me.
But I want to have a go.
I think Donald Campbell said that just before he made his water speed world record attempt in the Lake District.
Anyway, the way I see it, if you are hellbent on making a fool of yourself and experiencing total humiliation in public, it's best to do it in your home town in front of people you've known all your life. People who will never let you forget the unmitigated awfulness of your compering debut, and will bring it up endlessly in future conversations, effortlessly psychologically scarring you.
I can't wait.
I put a few posters up in South Queensferry. I found the reactions of bar managers and shop asistants occasionally very funny when I asked them if I could put up a poster. It was a reaction I'd expect if I came in asking them if they were interested in some black market "weapons grade" plutonium or some cheap heroin.
They seemed very suspicious of my motives, and carefully read through my poster at least a couple of times before finally deciding that it was deemed "window-worthy" (or not).
I felt like kneeling down, clutching a flat cap and exclaiming emotionally in a poor cockney accent... "Oh Thank You, guv...thank you, guv...you're a proper gent..and that's the gawd honest truth...!"
On reflection, I decided not to do this.
This is South Queensferry we're talking about here!
I also took a calculated risk and put a comedy poster in the Clubhouse of my local Golf club.
This is risky, and I half expect a SWAT team to kick down my door, wielding uzis,
(composed of Golf Club Committee Members), and whisk me away for interrogation on suspicion of displaying inappropriate advertising on the Clubhouse notice board.
I might never be seen again....
They might even cut my handicap...
They have the power to generate fear!