The offending armchair (with designer accessories)
There are a couple of skips in the vicinity of my gaffe at the moment. One is for the work going on to fix the stonework on my building, the other is for my neighbour who's getting some landscape gardening done.
There's a long tradition of skip etiquette in this country. Apparently, if you see a skip, you should collect all your old shite and discreetly dump it all in the skip when no-one is looking.
This policy has been rigidly adhered to with these 2 aforementioned skips. However, the workers who are using the skips aren't having this, and have taken to remove any unauthorised deposited items and dump them back in the street.
Of course the Council Cleansing dept guys will only pick anything up if it is in a black bag, or if a "special uplift" has been formally arranged.
So what we have now is something of a classic stand-off.
For the last 2 weeks, an armchair with a handily placed gas fire sitting on it, has sat outside my flat. Neither the Skip owners or the Binmen will touch it.
I'm stunned at how disgusting it is. It's the worst looking item of soft furnishings I've ever seen in my life. Did someone actually have that in their living room at some point? I suppose they must have seen it in a shop and thought, "Oh, That's really nice, we must buy that!".
As a punishment for illegal dumping, I think the owner should be traced, (I'd imagine there are likely to be traces of DNA on it), and made to sit on it, on the stage of the Ross Bandstand in Princes Street, from 9am to 5pm every day.
People could walk past and make sarcastic remarks about what a nice choice of armchair it was. I think this is a fair and commensurate punishment for this wilful act of fly dumping.
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