02/06/05 Last Mention Of Big Brother

The current cast of Big Brother are a sorry bunch. It's actually quite sad. Each individual obviously believes that they are "special", due to the fact they've been chosen from thousands and thousands of applicants to go into the Big Brother House.
However, the reality of the situation, is that Channel 4 have deliberately picked a lot of unintelligent, dysfunctional saddos, who they are confident will generate a heap of banal arguments and watchable TV tension.
I know this gets said every year. But this year it is definitely true.
I don't think the format really works any more anyway. Everyone is far too conscious of the cameras, and are acting totally unnaturally in an attempt to exert a level of control on how they are perceived by the TV viewers.
It's the Meadows Festival in Edinburgh this weekend. Was it really 20 years ago that myself and a couple of friends staged the "Rent-A-Laugh Show" at this very festival?
We managed to wangle some funding for this from the Meadows Festival Association.
The running order included an "Alcoholic Juggling Contest". Myself and Mitch, (current owner of Edinburgh Film Studios), competed in this challenge.
We had to juggle until a whistle was blown, then drink as much as possible out of a bottle of wine, until the whistle was blown again, whereupon we had to resume juggling, then drink again etc etc. The winner was he who finished the bottle of wine first. We performed this competition twice throughout the course of the afternoon, (hic).
Other acts were someone called Ken, accompanying himself on guitar, singing a song entitled "A Tin Of Peas". George Coleman did a human drum kit impression, cunningly morphing some cymbal playing into working in a fish and chip shop. Nicky Hind sang the "Laughing Policeman", and we all joined in at the end for a rousing chorus of "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life".
It's worth pointing out that this was a long, long time before "Vic Reeves' Big Night Out" appeared on your television screens.
I'm quite stunned, given my current level of alcohol tolerance, that after 2 bottles of wine, I was more than happy to pop across to a local hostelry with the cast, to discuss the finer points of that afternoon's performances.
Another abiding memory of that day is observing James "Lord Lucan" McNeill biting chunks out of a pint glass in Burlington Bertie's Bar.
I don't know why he did this. I only know he did. This was a long time ago!