19/01/2007 Shut That Door

I must admit I'm thoroughly enjoying my stint working in the crazy world of servicing pensions and life assurance policies.
It makes me very sad when I ponder that I only have 10 weeks left on my contract!
To be honest, even though I get paid a fairly good wad of cash for doing this, I'd be perfectly happy to do it for nothing, such is my love for debugging a suite of financial programs.
I can empathise with David Beckham in this regard.
He has let it be known that the money is not the principal reason he's going to play football in LA, preferring to look on the experience as a historic opportunity to raise the profile of soccer in the USA.
I know exactly what he means...
Similarly, the satisfaction I get from knowing that my computer tinkering will allow the company to make higher profits on the sale of their financial products is reward enough for me....and to get paid for it as well is simply marvellous...!
I do get a little stressed out by the doors at my office though.
They tend to be double sets of swinging fire doors.
When you open a door and go through, it swings right back on release, in a style reminiscent of the classic saloon doors in the Wild West.
Therefore, an unwritten etiquette exists whereby if you notice someone walking behind you, you stop and hold the door in the open position so that they can intercept the open door with their hand, and then pass through.
I'm trying to come to a policy on what the acceptable cut-off distance is for the person behind you, when it would be socially acceptable to go through the doors without stopping to hold the door open.
I usually settle for 10 yards, but on Friday I was shocked to see someone hold the door open for someone who was at least 20 yards short of the door.
I think that's too much, but at the same time I worry now that my 10 yard ruling will be interpreted by some in the office as anti-social and selfish.
If you leave too far a distance, there's always the possibility that the following person might not even be going to go through the doors at all, and you will be left looking like a complete idiot politely holding the door open for nobody.
I also find the social interaction of this manoeuvre very awkward.
When you hold the door open for someone, they usually say "thank you".
I don't know what the door holder is supposed to say in this situation.
If I was to try "Oh, it's nothing really..." or "you're welcome!", I am convinced it would sound very sarcastic.
The convention seems to be to smile meekly and raise your eyebrows slightly, in a tacit acknowledgement of your courtesy and consideration.
I hate it when the same person ends up following you through a series of doors, thanking you every time.
After two thank yous I think that the practice should be curtailed as the whole thing becomes ridiculous.
My record is a 10 door thank you festival.
Mind you, this pales into insignificance with the fury I feel when I don't even get a thank you at the initial door.
This is tantamount to waving a car waiting at a junction on to a main road ahead of you and not receiving a wave of gratitude.
It would perhaps be a good idea to employ a doorman at each door to preclude this awkward social phenomenum from occurring?
Or better still, get some Star Trek type doors fitted.
You know...the ones that go "Fsssschhh" and open and close like.