Sunday, January 27, 2013

A Brief Extract

I got a wisdom tooth out on Thursday.
I wasn't looking forward to it as my previous experience was an hour long nightmare, after which I felt like I'd been severely beaten up.
By comparison, Dustin Hoffman's treatment at the hands of Lawrence Olivier in "Marathon Man" was like a relaxing Spar Weekend Break.
Although, saying that, I'm always surprised that some people find shopping in a fairly rubbish supermarket chain "relaxing".
Each to their own.
It was all fine this time, over very quickly, and I had to ask the dentist "Is that it?" to confirm that he'd whippedthe tooth out.
The operation was carried out with the quiet efficiency of a professional hit.
I was very impressed.
I've been treated by a few rubbish dentists over the year... and so, it gives me great pleasure to announce that "Haymarket Dental" in Edinburgh is definitely by far the best, in my experience.
The music playing in the background whilst my tooth was removed was "Pride" by U2.
It was never one of my favourite tunes, so the future association of dental treatment with that song did not trouble me greatly.
It must be terrible though if a horrible dental experience is soundtracked by one of your favourite ever songs.
Gerry Rafferty must have had mixed feelings about "Stuck In The Middle With You" being used for that scene in Reservoir Dogs.

So that's a week with no bread.
Yes, be impressed...what an amazing achievement by me.
I am truly incredible.
Of course this is no Atkins Diet schtick...I'm eating rice and couscous and that sort of thing.
Judging by the looseness of clothing, I have lost a bit, but am not going near scales for a month.
I either find out I've lost more than I thought and then get cocky and lose focus, or am disappointed (particularly when I've actually put on weight since a diet started), and lose resolve.
This is all fascinating stuff, huh?
Oh well, just a writing exercise if nothing else.

I got heckled by a friend at a Burns do last night for using "outwith" in conversation.
My first reaction was to be impressed by this, because it is a very specific complaint.
I think I was talking with another friend about politics and there was some point I was making about events "outwith Scotland".
She maintained it was one of our indigenous Scottish words that she found really annoying.
I'd actually no idea that this word was used solely by Scottish people...and immediately disputed this.
However, after some googling. it turned out she was right!
"Outwith" is only used up here.
If I remember rightly, the point being made was that you could just as easily substitute the more popular (and admittedly less wanky) "outside" in any context.
I think "outwith`" can help creating the illusion that you know what you're talking about it.
It sounds a bit more formal.
I don't know how often I actually say this though.
I'm now monitoring it.
I either picked this up from "Newsnight Scotland", or possibly from Joe Jackson's big hit
"Is She Really Going Outwith Him".
Not sure which though.

Today is a day that I am mightily relieved that I quit football gambling.
It's been a weekend of huge upsets, and the UK is now like the aftermath of a vicious battle, with wounded and bleeding gamblers, lying moaning in the fields where they made their last bet.
The guy who died while attempting an armed robbery in a bookies in Plymouth  is actually an accurate analogy of how this weekend has played out for gamblers in general.
Meanwhile bookmakers themselves, are dancing with joy.

1 comment:

tommy said...

I was actually at a barber's once when 'Stuck In The Middle With You' came on the radio. We exchanged meaningful glances. Oh, and you should write a companion book to Colin Wilson's 'The Outsider' called...yep you guessed it.