Monday, April 21, 2008

21/04/08 Going Up!







Hamilton Academicals are back in the Premier League!
We made a pilgrimage through to my Dad’s home town of Hamilton to see them secure the 1st Division championship by beating Clyde 2-0.
I’d also studied at Bell College in Hamilton.
It was here that I obtained a “Post-Graduate Diploma in Systems Analysis and Design”, (it’s fair to say it was slightly less interesting than it sounds, if you can believe that)
We decided to splash out and go for the hospitality package.
Well, it’s not every day that the Accies are within a ball hair of being back in the (relatively) big time.
I was thrilled to find myself sitting at an adjoining table to Scottish football legend Frank MacAvennie.
He may have been an ex-Celtic player, but I still have a certain fondness for Frank and see him as a fantastic role model.
His raucous laugh has a gloriously infectious quality about it.(Ideal for a member of a comedy club audience.)
I was very impressed by how friendly and welcoming the Accies officials were.
I was less impressed with the mushroom soup and the white wine, but that’s a minor quibble.
Saturday was about more important things than pedantic catering analysis.
The game itself was probably one of the most mediocre football matches I’ve ever witnessed (and I’ve witnessed a few), largely due to a fierce, icy wind which was instrumental in preventing a display of the champagne football which Accies fans have grown accustomed to witnessing this season.
We were chilled to the bone.
But this is all academic..
Winning isn’t the most important thing, it’s the only thing, as they say.
There was a bit of disharmony in the stand, as it turned out that season ticket holders had been turfed out their seats to make way for the corporate hospitality “fat cats”,
(in retrospect, sporting a camel coat , wearing a lot of jewellery and smoking a big cigar might have projected the wrong image and subconsciously invited criticism from the New Douglas Park regulars).
I could certainly sympathise with their plight and found it all a bit embarrassing.
It was obviously irresistible for the club to milk as much money as possible out of their big day, and given the perilous finances of Scottish football, it’s understandable.
Thankfully, after some animated “discussion”, we all got a seat and enjoyed Hamilton’s moment of triumph as they lifted the First Division Cup.
And then back into the lounge for further alcohol, and checking out some very impressive looking WAGs who were waiting for the players to appear.
When they came in they were all wearing t-shirts that said “Hamilton Accies ; Division 1 Champions 2007/08”.
I was amazed at how quickly they’d designed and printed the T-shirts as it was only 10 minutes after full-time.
That was incredible. The t-shirt technology has obviously moved on a lot in recent years. I can only assume that they did it using the Interweb or something like that?
It’s interesting to compare this feat with cheque processing.
In 2008 you can design and print a T-shirt in 10 minutes, but it still takes 5 days for a cheque to clear.
Scandalous.
Having played golf in the morning (a charity game involving under-privileged, dysfunctional adults who wouldn’t normally be able to afford the expense of a round of golf), and then after the football attending a ravey late-night party back in Edinburgh, I wasn’t feeling too clever on the Sunday.
I had a 10 minute spot at The Stand on Sunday night.
I’d planned to do the spot then leave immediately and hit the hay.
One other act hadn’t shown up so I got asked to do a longer set.
I was a bit apprehensive, as I felt fairly grim, and an hour before the gig a tooth implant had fallen out during the consumption a packet of Rolos, leading me to speak with something of a farty lisp.
In the end I had a really nice gig and did just under 20 minutes.
I suppose it’s a good opportunity to show you can handle a sudden change in set length and step up to the plate when required.
I stayed to watch Dan Evans…loved his stuff…gloriously silly.

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