The Festive Season is now finished. It's official.
As I walked home late last night I passed many a discarded Christmas Tree lying forlornly on the pavement.
It was as if they had all fallen victim to a series of "drive-by choppings".
If I had some chalk, I would have been tempted to draw a crime scene outline of Santa on his sleigh next to one of the trees.
Then I would definitely have gone on to win the Turner Prize and Charles Saatchi would end up buying the exhibit off me for 6 squillion quid.
There were a couple of times during the recent poker match where it really hit me that myself and my fellow players were maybe not quite the hip young gunslingers we used to be.
Someone refused to deal because "leaning over to deal" would hurt his back.
There were one or two failing-eyesight related complaints of not being able to read what the cards were.
There also seemed to be a ridiculous number of trips made to the toilet.
What happened to us?
Perhaps we could get the next match sponsored by a Prostrate Research Organisation and/or "Stairmaster"?
Then last night I found myself droning on in the pub about how the FA Cup is dead in the water, and that football is all about money and nothing else, and how it was different in my day, and that there's no glory any more, and I realised I'd turned into a typical pub boring-old-fart who would have hugely irritated the younger me with his pompous certainty of all that's wrong in the world.
Thankfully, I squandered any gravitas by knocking a full pint of cider over someone as I was making another fascinating point.
I've got a SatNav system now.
There could be some great comedy material here.
I don't think anyone has ever covered this subject before, so that's something to work on in 2008.
Disappointingly, I haven't yet been able to add to the single cigarette I smoked 3 days ago.
I thought I'd cracked it, but looks like I'll have to try and find another opportunity to get the nicotine addiction up and running again.
The good news is my cough is a lot better.
But that's hardly consolation.
The weight gain is going really well though. I've found it surprisingly easy to achieve noticeable results.
I don't know what all the fuss is about.
1 comment:
"by knocking a full pint of cider over someone as I was making another fascinating point"
The point you were making could not have been that interesting as the 'someone' was starting to nod off and therefore could not take evasive action until the first tsunami-type wave of Strongbow had struck home!
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