13/06/06 The Brazilians' New Strip

Alan Hansen prepares his tactical analysis before last night's game.


I love Brazil, and all things Brazilian, but I like to think I can retain a teeny weeny element of objectivity when discussing their football team.
The BBC World Cup boys can't.
In the coverage of last night's match between Brazil and Croatia, they displayed the detached impartiality you'd expect from a group of spotty schoolboys being treated to a naked lapdance by Angelina Jolie, then being asked to compare her to Bella Emberg (best remembered as "Blunderwoman" in the "Russ Abbot's Madhouse" TV show).
In ther pre-match analysis Croatia didn't get a look in, and were afforded the attention normally given to the patsies contracted to play the Harlem Globetrotters.
"The Brazilians are Unbelievable, Charismatic, Talented bla bla bla" droned on Hansen as he wheeled out some new adjectives he'd been learning before he went on air.
Without a doubt Brazil were poor and Croatia were very unlucky not to get at least a draw.
It would also have to be said that referee was enormously charitable to Brazil throughout the match in terms of awarding them dodgy free kicks.
Scandalously, with Croatia pushing for an equaliser, only 3 minutes additional time was played.
I was expecting about 8 minutes.
In the second half, there had been several substitutions ; about 4 occasions where players needed treatment, and in addition play had been held up for a couple of minutes due to someone running onto the pitch from the crowd.
I suspect that if Brazil had been losing and chasing an equaliser, the referee would have been more generous.
John Motson opined in the closing stages that "Brazil are winning this with something to spare..!". What absolute tosh.
Anyway, I still hope Brazil play to their potential and win the World Cup, but please let's have some real debate rather than this toecurlingly fawning display by the experts.
They all seemed scared to even broach the subject of Ronaldo possibly being rather overweight.
The Brazilian fans were in no doubt....
"Are You Dave Reilly in disguise?" they sang at their hero as he gave an extremely lack-lustre performance.
And we have the first faller in Jim's World Cup betting.
I had France down to beat Switzerland. Pah!
France seemed to be appearing on a "Football Team" version of "Stars In Their Eyes".
There's Cat Deeley interviewing the team, and Thierre Henry says, "Ah yes, Cat. Tonight we are-uh going to be-uh "Albeeon Rovers"!"
Cue Wild applause, as the French team emerge from the smoke, dressed up as the Scottish lower league non-achievers and then take the field to play Switzerland in the 2006 World Cup...!
On a brighter note, I had Brazil down to beat Croatia.
As you were then...
No bets today.
Spain? too unpredictable. Although, in a sense, their very unpredictability is highly predictable.
I'm not going to be around to watch the Germany v Poland game tonight, but it would be fun to listen to the commentators tiptoeing around making any remarks alluding to the, ahem, "historic" context of this match.
"DON'T say "Germany are now blitzing Poland's defence!" (taken from John Motson's pre-match notes)