Doh!
Sven, Sven, Sven..... I can't believe you fell for the News of the World "Fake Sheik" routine!
It's been used several times to catch public figures on the hop, eg Newcastle United directors were quoted as saying "Alan Shearer is like Mary Poppins!" and "...all Newcastle women are dogs!" ; then there was Sophie of Wessex saying that her PR company "could fix up Royal contacts" for clients.
There have been a few more which I can't remember the exact details of.
The format is always the same though. A rich "Sheik" looking to throw a few million quid around gets the salivating personalities to be a little more candid than is generally adviseable.
If I was approached by a Sheik, I would treat him in the same way as I would treat a noted practical joker inviting me to sniff a large, (suspiciously plastic), flower pinned on his lapel.
I would immediately pull at his beard to determine if it was false, thus rumbling his disguise before he had the chance to entice me into making embarassing remarks about famous people that I am a close, personal friend of.
There would be a worry though that I could get into serious trouble if I pull the beard of a bona fide Sheik, who legitimately wants to speak with me on business.
Pulling someone's beard in Saudi Arabia is a serious criminal offence.
However, it's worth avoiding the risk of being shown to be a gullible idiot in a downmarket national newspaper.
I can't think of any other country in which the national media would seek to destabilise the national football team such a short time from a World Cup.
It's a very odd aspect of our culture.
It's the lengths that they went to in order to set up the entrapment which is mind boggling.
They invited Sven and his assistants to go to Dubai under a false premise..booked rooms and function suites in posh hotels, hired actors (including the legendary "Fake Sheik"), and ultimately got some inconsequential shite about how he
"might leave his job if England win the World Cup"
If he wins the World Cup, I expect he'll be free to do whatever he wants...He could even arrange oral relief from the Queen, I'd imagine...
I hasten to add, this doesn't apply in Scotland...
There would be a compulsory media blackout and a suitable duration of "national mourning". Probably about 6 months.
"BBC Sports Personality Of The Year 2006" would be even more unwatchable than it usually is.
There will be a special edition of "A Question of Sport" with teams from the 1966 and 2006 World Cup Winning teams playing against each other.
Geoff Hurst and David Beckham will be endlessly photographed together saying how much "they respect each other".
All the squad will be knighted...
"Arise Sir Wayne Rooney..."
It's a nightmare...a nightmare...make it go away...make it go away....
Oh, and the other "revelations" were that Rio Ferdinand is "a bit lazy" (shock! horror!), and Michael Owen isn't that happy at Newcastle and "only went there for the money" (well, who on earth would have thought that)
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