My role model....
I got into my car and prepared to move off from my parking space in sunny Coates Gardens.
I then noticed another car stop 10 yards back from me. He was obviously waiting for me to leave, and then take the vacant parking space for himself.
This is entirely reasonable behaviour.
However, I reacted in a worrying way ; in retrospect convincing myself that I lack emotional maturity on a number of levels.
Rather than promptly start the engine, have a glance around and move off, (as I would normally do), I subconsciously went into slow motion, and every action was reminiscent of "The Six Million Dollar Man" show in which the bionic one performs incredible physical feats extremely slowly to a a springy type of noise soundtrack.
I fiddled about with the lights, had an interminable rummage in the glove compartment for an appropriate CD, (why is it called the "glove compartment" anyway? Why should gloves get a whole compartment to themselves? I mean, how many people ACTUALLY store gloves in their "glove compartments"? It's the hats I feel really sorry for. What do they get in the way of designated automobile storage facilities? Yes, you're right...fuck all...! not even a peg....) I then started reversing at an approximate speed of one millimetre an hour, before tentatively edging forward and out onto the road.
I estimated that I added an extra 3 minutes onto the normal expected duration for a car manoeuvre of this nature.
I detected a grumpy look from the parking space's new encumbent.
So what was all that about?
Is it an unconscious statement from myself to the other driver that I am (at least) his equal in the global pecking order, and as such he does not have the authority to make me vacate the space promptly?
Even if I did it at normal speed, it could be interpreted that I had been intimidated and had hurried (in a Frank Spencer-esque fashion) to allow this so-called "alpha male" to park.
I'd be seen as "kow towing" to him, and my status as the cool hipster of Coates Gardens would be seriously compromised.
So, by my shamelessly deliberate slow driving out of the space, along with the theatrical prevarication with the "glove compartment", I retained my dignity, and showed him I'm certainly someone to reckon with.
I need help (possibly).
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