I was delighted to see Hearts hold Celtic to a draw on Saturday.
Previous Hearts teams would have choked at this stern test of their mettle. However, this lot seem to have an impressive inner steel about them which suggests they could be genuine title contenders.
In the old days Henry Smith in goals would have dropped a few clangers and the team would have behaved like rabbits caught in the redoubtable headlights.
Jamie Frain's thousands of pounds winnings are looking a distinct possibility.
I would have thought that a good idea for him to spend the money would be to book Murrayfield Stadium for the day and put on a big rock concert starring "The Capital Models" supported by (obviously), "The Pure Bears".
I would have to insist that I drummed for the Models rather than Keith Apter, as it was MY idea, and it would seem churlish to exclude me, even allowing for the fact that Keith is a much better drummer than me. That is irrelevant. And besides, I could help Jamie with his legendarily hilarious inter-song banter, although obviously he'd get all the funny lines, and I would just be his feed.
Perhaps Dave could get the "British Beef Foundation" to sponsor the event, and my bass drum could be made to look like a giant beefburger?
Gus could take the opportunity to "mince" around with his electric guitar, and we could run through the old set, including ;
"No Hamburgers In This House"
"Stun Gun Operator"
"Breaking Necks"
"Wall To Wall Offal (Can't Be That Offal really?)"
I think I've gotten a little too parochial here...
oh well, never mind, it made me laugh... :-)
Monday, October 17, 2005
15/10/05 Tyred Out
I had to make the "Walk of Shame" to the bike shop today.
I tried and tried and tried and tried, but I just could not get the fucking new tyre onto my wheel.
So I had to go and ask the man to do it for me...
In fairness he did say it was a tricky one and he had to use his special tool thing to do it..but nevertheless, my masculinity was cruelly undermined.
As he handed me the pink frock and skipping rope, I was crestfallen.
I put the dress on and skipped out the shop with all the dignity I could muster.
He didn't charge me anything, but I felt obliged to buy something and took the opportunity to purchase a rather smart reflective, waistcoat-type thing, as we ready ourselves to be plunged into perpetual darkness when the dreaded "putting the clocks back" event occurs...a week on Sunday I believe? hideous...I hate when that happens...
In my ideal lifestyle, I would choose that moment to travel to my luxury villa in Barbados to spend the duration of the British winter in more convivial surroundings.
I tried and tried and tried and tried, but I just could not get the fucking new tyre onto my wheel.
So I had to go and ask the man to do it for me...
In fairness he did say it was a tricky one and he had to use his special tool thing to do it..but nevertheless, my masculinity was cruelly undermined.
As he handed me the pink frock and skipping rope, I was crestfallen.
I put the dress on and skipped out the shop with all the dignity I could muster.
He didn't charge me anything, but I felt obliged to buy something and took the opportunity to purchase a rather smart reflective, waistcoat-type thing, as we ready ourselves to be plunged into perpetual darkness when the dreaded "putting the clocks back" event occurs...a week on Sunday I believe? hideous...I hate when that happens...
In my ideal lifestyle, I would choose that moment to travel to my luxury villa in Barbados to spend the duration of the British winter in more convivial surroundings.
14/10/05 Meat Me In St Louis
"A pointless, unfunny pun a day keeps the doctor away", as my late Auntie Trixie was wont to say...
I heard the stunning news today that Dave Reilly has sensationally remounced 16 years of vegetarianism, and has re-embraced the carnivore lifestyle.
Alf Hardcastle, President of the "British Beef Foundation" is quoted as saying,
"This is the biggest boost the meat industry has had in the past 30 years!"...
Industry sources believe that after the ravages of Foot and Mouth, BSE and Dave Reilly giving up meat in 1989, their profitability will now soar.
Plans are already afoot to open a massive new Stakis Steakhouse in Corstorphine to cope with the anticipated increase in demand.
Slaughterhouses are gearing themselves up for a surge in demand equivalent to pre-Xmas turkey sales.
"David Bann's Vegetarian Restaurant" is rumoured to be considering opening a humane in-house organic slaughter chamber for unwell animals, in a desperate attempt to reduce predicted losses.
I heard the stunning news today that Dave Reilly has sensationally remounced 16 years of vegetarianism, and has re-embraced the carnivore lifestyle.
Alf Hardcastle, President of the "British Beef Foundation" is quoted as saying,
"This is the biggest boost the meat industry has had in the past 30 years!"...
Industry sources believe that after the ravages of Foot and Mouth, BSE and Dave Reilly giving up meat in 1989, their profitability will now soar.
Plans are already afoot to open a massive new Stakis Steakhouse in Corstorphine to cope with the anticipated increase in demand.
Slaughterhouses are gearing themselves up for a surge in demand equivalent to pre-Xmas turkey sales.
"David Bann's Vegetarian Restaurant" is rumoured to be considering opening a humane in-house organic slaughter chamber for unwell animals, in a desperate attempt to reduce predicted losses.
13/10/05 Y Viva Espana!
I am under the cosh somewhat at work at the moment.
A whole "bunch of things" that I haven't even started worked on yet are required yesterday.
I've noticed that "bunch of things" is an oft used phrase by our American cousins to describe having several items to contend with in a given situation.
We just tend to use bunch as a collective noun for bananas, or when we want people to move closer together and tell them to "bunch up".
I would normally say I have "a shit load" of things to do. This does lack charm and comes across slightly coarse I must confess.
Anyway, the bottom line is that I'm up to my eyes in shite.
The man from the agency took us out for lunch today.
We went to "Tapas Ole".
That has to be the worst, most unimaginative, tackiest name ever given to a restaurant with a Spanish theme specialising in the culinary theme of Tapas.
An equivalent Scottish restaurant in Spain would be "Och Aye The Stew", or something like that, or a bar called "Whisky Whisky!"
Anyway, in spite of the ridiculous name, the food was really, really nice and reasonable priced.
There are a couple of Tapas places in Edinburgh that serve horribly over-priced and poor quality fare, but this is definitely not one of them.
I won't identify the bad ones, as I don't want to be chased down Coates gardens by a Picador on a horse prodding me in the back with his big pointed stick, to pathetically weaken me, in order to make life a little less dangerous for the Matador when he turns up to finish me off.
I've seen it happen, believe me...
A whole "bunch of things" that I haven't even started worked on yet are required yesterday.
I've noticed that "bunch of things" is an oft used phrase by our American cousins to describe having several items to contend with in a given situation.
We just tend to use bunch as a collective noun for bananas, or when we want people to move closer together and tell them to "bunch up".
I would normally say I have "a shit load" of things to do. This does lack charm and comes across slightly coarse I must confess.
Anyway, the bottom line is that I'm up to my eyes in shite.
The man from the agency took us out for lunch today.
We went to "Tapas Ole".
That has to be the worst, most unimaginative, tackiest name ever given to a restaurant with a Spanish theme specialising in the culinary theme of Tapas.
An equivalent Scottish restaurant in Spain would be "Och Aye The Stew", or something like that, or a bar called "Whisky Whisky!"
Anyway, in spite of the ridiculous name, the food was really, really nice and reasonable priced.
There are a couple of Tapas places in Edinburgh that serve horribly over-priced and poor quality fare, but this is definitely not one of them.
I won't identify the bad ones, as I don't want to be chased down Coates gardens by a Picador on a horse prodding me in the back with his big pointed stick, to pathetically weaken me, in order to make life a little less dangerous for the Matador when he turns up to finish me off.
I've seen it happen, believe me...
12/10/05 "Jimmy Jimmy...ohhhhhh!"
I enjoyed listening to an ancient comedy show, "The Clitheroe Kid", on the stupendously good digital radio channel BBC7 at the weekend.
Jimmy Clitheroe, a person of restricted growth, played a schoolboy, even though he was latterly in his 50s and still donning the cap, (ie the schoolboy head attire, not the female contraceptive device).
He was probably the first "celebrity" I ever saw in real life.
He drove a car past me in Scarborough in the 60s when I was a small boy.
I was awestruck, dumbstruck, but thankfully not struck by the car, (that's a Jimmy Clitheroe tribute joke penned affectionately by me, to give you an inkling of the man's greatness).
My dad told me he had to have a special seat and high pedals fitted to his car as he was only 4ft 10" or something like that, and wouldn't have been able to see over the steering wheel in a normal car.
I was impressed.
I think we went to see him do a show at Scarborough Pier, and I can't remember much about it, but I'm sure he "stormed" it and "adjusted the roof" to describe the events in the modern parlance of stand-up comedy.
He died quite young, but his radio shows will live on forever.
I am assuming that I wasn't the only person in the UK actually listening to the show.
Surely not? There must be a legion of Clitheroe fans out there...
Without Jimmy Clitheroe, there certainly wouldn't have been a Jimmy Krankie, and what a chilling thought that is to ponder.
Sorry if I've upset anyone by even having the temerity to hypothesise on such a desperate ommission from the world of comedy.
Jimmy Clitheroe, a person of restricted growth, played a schoolboy, even though he was latterly in his 50s and still donning the cap, (ie the schoolboy head attire, not the female contraceptive device).
He was probably the first "celebrity" I ever saw in real life.
He drove a car past me in Scarborough in the 60s when I was a small boy.
I was awestruck, dumbstruck, but thankfully not struck by the car, (that's a Jimmy Clitheroe tribute joke penned affectionately by me, to give you an inkling of the man's greatness).
My dad told me he had to have a special seat and high pedals fitted to his car as he was only 4ft 10" or something like that, and wouldn't have been able to see over the steering wheel in a normal car.
I was impressed.
I think we went to see him do a show at Scarborough Pier, and I can't remember much about it, but I'm sure he "stormed" it and "adjusted the roof" to describe the events in the modern parlance of stand-up comedy.
He died quite young, but his radio shows will live on forever.
I am assuming that I wasn't the only person in the UK actually listening to the show.
Surely not? There must be a legion of Clitheroe fans out there...
Without Jimmy Clitheroe, there certainly wouldn't have been a Jimmy Krankie, and what a chilling thought that is to ponder.
Sorry if I've upset anyone by even having the temerity to hypothesise on such a desperate ommission from the world of comedy.
11/10/05 Charity Evening
The Scottish Mental Health Charity evening had the misfortune to be on the same evening as the most horrible weather we've had for a long time.
There was a monsoon going down ,and it never eased up all night.
I think this had something of a detrimental (boom boom) effect on the attendance, and it was a rather sparse gathering.
In spite of that, I really enjoyed the evening.
Nothing tastes sweeter than free beer, and I enjoyed all the acts that were on.
There seemed to be an unofficial competition going on, in terms of who could make the most inappropriate un-pc comments with tegards to the evening's theme.
Thankfully everyone took the gags in the spirit they were intended.
My "Ker Plunk" story with old ladies in wheelchairs got the best reaction from my act, resulting in the compere making a jokey disclaimer about the charity not officially endorsing this practice.
First on was a blind lady with her guide dog, and she was very funny. I loved the expression of the dog as it sat on the stage wondering what the hell was going on...
I really liked the organisers. They put a load of energy and enthusiasm into putting on the show, and it was a shame that they didn't get a bigger turnout.
Hopefully, they'll give it another go though.
There was a monsoon going down ,and it never eased up all night.
I think this had something of a detrimental (boom boom) effect on the attendance, and it was a rather sparse gathering.
In spite of that, I really enjoyed the evening.
Nothing tastes sweeter than free beer, and I enjoyed all the acts that were on.
There seemed to be an unofficial competition going on, in terms of who could make the most inappropriate un-pc comments with tegards to the evening's theme.
Thankfully everyone took the gags in the spirit they were intended.
My "Ker Plunk" story with old ladies in wheelchairs got the best reaction from my act, resulting in the compere making a jokey disclaimer about the charity not officially endorsing this practice.
First on was a blind lady with her guide dog, and she was very funny. I loved the expression of the dog as it sat on the stage wondering what the hell was going on...
I really liked the organisers. They put a load of energy and enthusiasm into putting on the show, and it was a shame that they didn't get a bigger turnout.
Hopefully, they'll give it another go though.
10/10/05 Hilarious!
What a laugh I had at work today!
I haven't laughed so much for ages. Even just thinking again about the sequence of events has my sides aching with laughter.
What happened was that a bloke sitting next to me at work answered his phone.
He just said "Bla bla, can I help you?", or words to that effect.
Then he said "Hello me!" in a bright jaunty manner.
"That was strange..." I thought to myself.
But then I realised what he'd done...!
The person on the other end must have been a close aquaintance of his and had opened the conversation by saying "Hello, it's me..." ; (obviously making the assumption that their voice would be instantly recognisable, precluding the need for a more formal introduction).
With supreme comic invention and all-round cleverness, my colleague had extrapolated from this exchange that the Christian name of the caller must be "Me", and proceeded to address the caller as such.
This is a great example of the internal logic of a funny routine.
I laughed and laughed and laughed.
You had to be there.
Really....
This is a classic example of the great British sense of humour, and illustrates perfectly how our comedic literacy is the envy of the world.
I haven't laughed so much for ages. Even just thinking again about the sequence of events has my sides aching with laughter.
What happened was that a bloke sitting next to me at work answered his phone.
He just said "Bla bla, can I help you?", or words to that effect.
Then he said "Hello me!" in a bright jaunty manner.
"That was strange..." I thought to myself.
But then I realised what he'd done...!
The person on the other end must have been a close aquaintance of his and had opened the conversation by saying "Hello, it's me..." ; (obviously making the assumption that their voice would be instantly recognisable, precluding the need for a more formal introduction).
With supreme comic invention and all-round cleverness, my colleague had extrapolated from this exchange that the Christian name of the caller must be "Me", and proceeded to address the caller as such.
This is a great example of the internal logic of a funny routine.
I laughed and laughed and laughed.
You had to be there.
Really....
This is a classic example of the great British sense of humour, and illustrates perfectly how our comedic literacy is the envy of the world.
Monday, October 10, 2005
09/10/05 AL Kennedy
I had a good gig at the Stand in Glasgow last night. It was packed out, which is quite unusual for a Sunday night. I tried a few new lines and they all went reasonably well for a first run out.
I was talking to another act, Alison Kennedy, who I thought looked very familar. I later realised that it was the well known author "AL Kennedy".
I didn't realise she did stand-up comedy.
She was pretty funny too. She was on straight after me.
A lot of her material was political in nature and it made a nice contrast to my stuff which is mainly idiotic with no message whatsover.
I have to admit that I've never actually read any of her books, but having talked to her I'm quite curious to find out what kind of stuff she produces.
I know she wrote the screenplay to a film called "Stella Does Tricks".
This film is best rmembered for loveable "Likely Lad" James Bolam's portrayal of a right nasty piece of work.
I've seen the film, but didn't think it was much cop.
Interestingly ace photo man and Stoke-Newington Pearly King, Robert Hind did the stills photos for that film.
Don't worry I'm not using this as a springboard to explore connections, and degrees of separation and all that stuff...
I was talking to another act, Alison Kennedy, who I thought looked very familar. I later realised that it was the well known author "AL Kennedy".
I didn't realise she did stand-up comedy.
She was pretty funny too. She was on straight after me.
A lot of her material was political in nature and it made a nice contrast to my stuff which is mainly idiotic with no message whatsover.
I have to admit that I've never actually read any of her books, but having talked to her I'm quite curious to find out what kind of stuff she produces.
I know she wrote the screenplay to a film called "Stella Does Tricks".
This film is best rmembered for loveable "Likely Lad" James Bolam's portrayal of a right nasty piece of work.
I've seen the film, but didn't think it was much cop.
Interestingly ace photo man and Stoke-Newington Pearly King, Robert Hind did the stills photos for that film.
Don't worry I'm not using this as a springboard to explore connections, and degrees of separation and all that stuff...
Sunday, October 09, 2005
07/10/05 Check The Chimney Stacks On That!
Wahey! My new chimney stacks are finished...!
They look fantastic, and well worth £20 000 of anybody's money!
In fact I think it was a real bargain for us. I mean it's not as if there's much else you can do with £20 000 these days, is there?
Might as well spend it on some flash new chimney stacks...that's what I say...
There have already been a succession of supermodels stopping me as I walk down Coates Gardens, and then exclaiming enthusiastically how impressed they are with my dazzling new chimney stacks.
It's just a pity that I'm not actually allowed to have a fire, and actually use the fucking chimneys for the purpose for which they have been built...
But loik da Murphys etc etc
06/10/05 David Davis
Poor old David. He was red hot favourite to win the Tory leadership election, but just gave one of the most disastrously awful, political speeches it has ever been my misfortune to witness.
He made Ian Duncan Smith look like Martin Luther King!
He's finished...the young pretender David Cameron is going to stroll it.
Not much experience, but the Tories think he could their very own Tony Blair prototype.
As for David Davis...well, his parents didn't exactly help with their imaginative choice of Christian name for him.
He could have a future though in co-ordinating these "Printing Initiatives" Powerpoint presentations at my work, as his dull, monotone delivery and absence of wit, lends itself perfectly to this type of job.
He made Ian Duncan Smith look like Martin Luther King!
He's finished...the young pretender David Cameron is going to stroll it.
Not much experience, but the Tories think he could their very own Tony Blair prototype.
As for David Davis...well, his parents didn't exactly help with their imaginative choice of Christian name for him.
He could have a future though in co-ordinating these "Printing Initiatives" Powerpoint presentations at my work, as his dull, monotone delivery and absence of wit, lends itself perfectly to this type of job.
05/10/05 Mental Health Week
I'm taking part in a Comedy night organised by Scottish Mental Health on Tuesday October 11th at "Left Bank" on Guthrie St in Edinburgh.
You can check the details here if you're interested in coming along to support this very worthwhile charity.
It promises to be a ripsnortingly hilarious evening of comedy and music, even if I say it myself.
You can check the details here if you're interested in coming along to support this very worthwhile charity.
It promises to be a ripsnortingly hilarious evening of comedy and music, even if I say it myself.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
04/10/05 The Sky At Night
...is apparently clear and bright, deep in the heart of Texas! So there you go...
Actually, I watched the BBC programme of this title the other night.
I'm not a regular viewer, but it generally is quite an interesting show, and usually throws up a few fascinating, mindblowing statistics for my puny brain to attempt to wrestle with.
Patrick Moore is one of those people who I've always assumed will live forever, and has obviously signed some pact with "Old Nick" guaranteeing immortality and a rolling contract from the BBC to present TSAN until the Universe implodes.
I would guess that he is currently about 143 years old.
He hasn't really changed much in all the time I've seen him presenting this show.
A lot of his monologue leaves me slightly bewildered, but I've always liked him...mainly because he has a real infectious passion for his subject and I respect that.
I was a bit perturbed to see that old age does seem to have finally caught up with him though.
That distinctive, rasping delivery isn't quite there any more. There's a degree of slurring in his speech, and physically, he seemed a bit wobbly.
I remember noticing the same about David Coleman's commentary. His voice always had this great immediacy and intensity about it, but he latterly started to warble, and it was all a tad sad, as you felt he'd gone on a little beyond his natural shelf-life as a top commentator.
Actually, I watched the BBC programme of this title the other night.
I'm not a regular viewer, but it generally is quite an interesting show, and usually throws up a few fascinating, mindblowing statistics for my puny brain to attempt to wrestle with.
Patrick Moore is one of those people who I've always assumed will live forever, and has obviously signed some pact with "Old Nick" guaranteeing immortality and a rolling contract from the BBC to present TSAN until the Universe implodes.
I would guess that he is currently about 143 years old.
He hasn't really changed much in all the time I've seen him presenting this show.
A lot of his monologue leaves me slightly bewildered, but I've always liked him...mainly because he has a real infectious passion for his subject and I respect that.
I was a bit perturbed to see that old age does seem to have finally caught up with him though.
That distinctive, rasping delivery isn't quite there any more. There's a degree of slurring in his speech, and physically, he seemed a bit wobbly.
I remember noticing the same about David Coleman's commentary. His voice always had this great immediacy and intensity about it, but he latterly started to warble, and it was all a tad sad, as you felt he'd gone on a little beyond his natural shelf-life as a top commentator.
03/10/05 Biscuits
This is a great web site, and I implore you to vote for your favourite biscuit of all time.
It really is important...
I'm not going to make any personal endorsements as I feel that would be a misuse of the global influence of this Blog, and that individuals should make their own selection without me putting ideas in their head...
although, it's fair to say that "Bandits" were my special biscuit...
Who could forget Conchita and the "You Can Stand It With Bandit" advert of the 80s?
Anyway, that's just my opinion...
It really is important...
I'm not going to make any personal endorsements as I feel that would be a misuse of the global influence of this Blog, and that individuals should make their own selection without me putting ideas in their head...
although, it's fair to say that "Bandits" were my special biscuit...
Who could forget Conchita and the "You Can Stand It With Bandit" advert of the 80s?
Anyway, that's just my opinion...
02/10/05 Sunday dinner
I made a Sunday dinner for the family. Mushroom soup, Fish pie and Apple Sponge.
It was well received. I am a creative genius in the kitchen, well, not really...I've got a fairly limited repertoire...good comfort food though, I think they call it
I had a gig at The Stand on Sunday night, and thought I should probably not drink, but of course ended up having 3 glasses of wine, and then felt slightly paranoid that I might make a mess of my delivery, (remembering this memorable occasion, when I experimented with the effect of industrial quantities of alcohol on the delivery and comic timing of a performing stand-up comedian, with disastrous results!)
I was going to do some new things, but bottled it, and did the old faithful set.
It all went down really well, and all that, but I need to start taking a few more risks.
I mean I've often considered putting a bit of ginger in the apple sponge, or adding squid and/or red snapper to the haddock in the fish pie.
I just haven't quite been able to have the courage of my convictions and actually go through with it though. It's not easy...not easy at all...
It was well received. I am a creative genius in the kitchen, well, not really...I've got a fairly limited repertoire...good comfort food though, I think they call it
I had a gig at The Stand on Sunday night, and thought I should probably not drink, but of course ended up having 3 glasses of wine, and then felt slightly paranoid that I might make a mess of my delivery, (remembering this memorable occasion, when I experimented with the effect of industrial quantities of alcohol on the delivery and comic timing of a performing stand-up comedian, with disastrous results!)
I was going to do some new things, but bottled it, and did the old faithful set.
It all went down really well, and all that, but I need to start taking a few more risks.
I mean I've often considered putting a bit of ginger in the apple sponge, or adding squid and/or red snapper to the haddock in the fish pie.
I just haven't quite been able to have the courage of my convictions and actually go through with it though. It's not easy...not easy at all...
01/10/05 Puzzled
I was amused to hear from my old neebor Martin that he had spent Friday night in, doing Sudokus, ("advanced", I hasten to add), and had drunk a case of 8 cans of lager in the process.
Surprisingly, he was feeling a little shaky the day after.
I think this is great maverick behaviour, and as such should be celebrated, as a demonstration of the rich tapestry of Scottish society.
I was at a work night out in Milnes Bar, and had a chinwag with Bernie, Scott and Rowland Rivron look-a-like whose name I have embarassingly failed to remember. If you read this, whoever you are, please don't take it personally!
Interestingly, Scott had read my Blog,and was also aquainted to musician and "trendy food photographer" Dave Reilly, aka "Cloudland Blue Quartet", and proprietor of the groundbreaking CBQ Blog which you can read here.
After that, why not visit here and cheer yourself up?
Hee hee...am I a wag..or am I a wag, or what?? chuckle chuckle...
No such thing as bad publicity though, eh Dave??
Anyway, we had a full and frank discussion on the relative merits of boarding schools (?)
We then drew the meeting to a halt, and I nicked across to The Stand to see a cracking night of comedy...
There was one persistent heckler who objected to some remarks made about the Iraq war, and started shouting "try living in Saudi Arabia" (?)
Surprisingly, he was feeling a little shaky the day after.
I think this is great maverick behaviour, and as such should be celebrated, as a demonstration of the rich tapestry of Scottish society.
I was at a work night out in Milnes Bar, and had a chinwag with Bernie, Scott and Rowland Rivron look-a-like whose name I have embarassingly failed to remember. If you read this, whoever you are, please don't take it personally!
Interestingly, Scott had read my Blog,and was also aquainted to musician and "trendy food photographer" Dave Reilly, aka "Cloudland Blue Quartet", and proprietor of the groundbreaking CBQ Blog which you can read here.
After that, why not visit here and cheer yourself up?
Hee hee...am I a wag..or am I a wag, or what?? chuckle chuckle...
No such thing as bad publicity though, eh Dave??
Anyway, we had a full and frank discussion on the relative merits of boarding schools (?)
We then drew the meeting to a halt, and I nicked across to The Stand to see a cracking night of comedy...
There was one persistent heckler who objected to some remarks made about the Iraq war, and started shouting "try living in Saudi Arabia" (?)
30/09/05 I was lucky!
I wrote in an earlier Blog entry about my lucky escape in Largs, when I fell into Largs Marina on a cold November night, pissed, strapped to a heavy rucksack and carrying a crate of beer. .
I was never really under much illusion that I was lucky to survive this incident.
However, I was very sad to see this weekend that someone did exactly the same thing at another nearby Marina and unfortunately drowned. Reading this article here made me shudder.
It's kind of convinced me that much as I enjoyed the sailing weekend, I prefer being on dry land. I've definitely used up one of my "sailing lives" in that incident.
I was never really under much illusion that I was lucky to survive this incident.
However, I was very sad to see this weekend that someone did exactly the same thing at another nearby Marina and unfortunately drowned. Reading this article here made me shudder.
It's kind of convinced me that much as I enjoyed the sailing weekend, I prefer being on dry land. I've definitely used up one of my "sailing lives" in that incident.
29/09/05 Appendix
I thought it would be fair to provide some more facts on the last Blog entry, in order to put things in perspective.
I checked the details with my Dad and it turns out they were down in London for a RAF Reunion Piss-Up.
At the function, they'd met a friendly Irish bloke. He'd insisted on getting all the drinks rounds, assuring my Dad and Barr that he could secure "free drinks".
This went on all evening...
However, later in the evening, my Dad noticed to his horror that the Irish bloke was hanging around the bar pouring all the dregs in discarded glasses he could find, into 3 glasses, and then putting them on a tray and bringing them through to the function room.
He didn't seem to be making any distinction between beers and spirits, and it was all getting mixed in. As long as there was alcohol content, it was deemed suitable for this dubious free cocktail service.
By the time they knew what was happening they were all completely rat-arsed, and the rest of the story should be viewed bearing this in mind!
This is a bit of a Defence Counsel summing up I suppose...
I always admired Barr's uncle's attitude to the ensuing events.
I think it's a case of, if you've lived through a world war in london and grew accustomed to getting bombed every night, then someone shitting all over your conservatory isn't really the end of the world.
Would this attitude prevail in contemporary London.
I'll maybe put it to the test...I was thinking of having a weekend down in London in November anyway.
I checked the details with my Dad and it turns out they were down in London for a RAF Reunion Piss-Up.
At the function, they'd met a friendly Irish bloke. He'd insisted on getting all the drinks rounds, assuring my Dad and Barr that he could secure "free drinks".
This went on all evening...
However, later in the evening, my Dad noticed to his horror that the Irish bloke was hanging around the bar pouring all the dregs in discarded glasses he could find, into 3 glasses, and then putting them on a tray and bringing them through to the function room.
He didn't seem to be making any distinction between beers and spirits, and it was all getting mixed in. As long as there was alcohol content, it was deemed suitable for this dubious free cocktail service.
By the time they knew what was happening they were all completely rat-arsed, and the rest of the story should be viewed bearing this in mind!
This is a bit of a Defence Counsel summing up I suppose...
I always admired Barr's uncle's attitude to the ensuing events.
I think it's a case of, if you've lived through a world war in london and grew accustomed to getting bombed every night, then someone shitting all over your conservatory isn't really the end of the world.
Would this attitude prevail in contemporary London.
I'll maybe put it to the test...I was thinking of having a weekend down in London in November anyway.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
28/09/05 Dad & Barr Larging It!
I recalled a funny anecdote concerning my Dad's pal Barr who died recently.
As young men in Scotland in the 1950s, they had a weekend away down in London and were staying at one of Barr's uncle and auntie's.
They were quite a posh couple staying in a leafy suburb of London.
Being Scottish, the two young men chose to mark the Saturday night by getting completely smashed on the local ale, coming back then drunkenly managed to find their room in the dark house in the middle of the night.
Barr later had a crisis in that he urgently needed to take a shit, but couldn't remember where the toilet was.
He didn't want to switch on the lights or go into the wrong room and wake people up.
However, he had to go, and in an act of total desperation, opened the window, stuck his bum out and summarily evacuated his bowels.
In the morning, nursing "category 5" hangovers, they gingerly came down the stairs to see Barr's uncle hosing down the glass roof of the conservatory.
Barr had inadvertently shit all over it from his chosen vantage point.
What I love about this story was that Barr's uncle was incredibly laid-back and understanding about the whole thing...
"Heavy night lads?" was his only comment.
The matter was then closed.
Priceless...
As young men in Scotland in the 1950s, they had a weekend away down in London and were staying at one of Barr's uncle and auntie's.
They were quite a posh couple staying in a leafy suburb of London.
Being Scottish, the two young men chose to mark the Saturday night by getting completely smashed on the local ale, coming back then drunkenly managed to find their room in the dark house in the middle of the night.
Barr later had a crisis in that he urgently needed to take a shit, but couldn't remember where the toilet was.
He didn't want to switch on the lights or go into the wrong room and wake people up.
However, he had to go, and in an act of total desperation, opened the window, stuck his bum out and summarily evacuated his bowels.
In the morning, nursing "category 5" hangovers, they gingerly came down the stairs to see Barr's uncle hosing down the glass roof of the conservatory.
Barr had inadvertently shit all over it from his chosen vantage point.
What I love about this story was that Barr's uncle was incredibly laid-back and understanding about the whole thing...
"Heavy night lads?" was his only comment.
The matter was then closed.
Priceless...
27/09/05 Evacuating Rita
I felt a bit guilty at the weekend at being slightly disappointed that Hurricane Rita didn't quite turn out to be quite as catastrophic as the media would have had us believe. Obviously, I didn't want to see anybody get killed, but thought that we would be privvy to witness a stunning example of the incredible forces of nature at work...
Of course, it's ultimately a good thing that this didn't completely materialise, and now that I've come to my senses, I'm happy about it too.
It's all the fault of "Sky News". They love a good, huge impending disaster and like to give it the big build-up.
It's like being in the audience for a big wrestling match as the promoter launches into an extended hyperbole to introduce the contestants.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, and in the blue corner,she's 400 miles wide, she's an unstoppable force of nature, she can lift buses high into the air, shes one b-a-a-a-a-d-a-s-s-s mama....will you give it up for "Hurrrrrrrr-icane Riiiiiii-tttt---aaaa!!!"
They did all this for "Hurricane Rita", but when the time came for the stunning entrance, the metaphorical "wrestler" was a 9 stone weakling dressed in a pink leotard and wearing national health glasses. What a let down. 165mph winds my arse! (only if I've been living off home-made scotch broth which this week I have, ironically enough)
I expect that the Bush Administration were keen to talk up the threat level of the Hurricane to make it look like they'd dealt with the crisis professionally and effectively, even if it wasn't all that bad in the end. They definitely
needed some decent PR after the Hurricane Katrina debacle.
I was quite shocked to see that ITV poll programme which was trying to establish the Top 50 News Shots since ITV began.
They'd got down to the last 10, and they were encouraging viewers to phone a premium rate number and vote on what they thought was the most memorable story.
It was basically a case of voting for your "favourite disaster".
You could have had the Tsunami, the Ethiopian Famine, 9/11, the JFK Assassination, England's 1966 World Cup Win etc It all seemed a bit weird to me...I didn't hang around to see what the "winner" was...
Of course, it's ultimately a good thing that this didn't completely materialise, and now that I've come to my senses, I'm happy about it too.
It's all the fault of "Sky News". They love a good, huge impending disaster and like to give it the big build-up.
It's like being in the audience for a big wrestling match as the promoter launches into an extended hyperbole to introduce the contestants.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, and in the blue corner,she's 400 miles wide, she's an unstoppable force of nature, she can lift buses high into the air, shes one b-a-a-a-a-d-a-s-s-s mama....will you give it up for "Hurrrrrrrr-icane Riiiiiii-tttt---aaaa!!!"
They did all this for "Hurricane Rita", but when the time came for the stunning entrance, the metaphorical "wrestler" was a 9 stone weakling dressed in a pink leotard and wearing national health glasses. What a let down. 165mph winds my arse! (only if I've been living off home-made scotch broth which this week I have, ironically enough)
I expect that the Bush Administration were keen to talk up the threat level of the Hurricane to make it look like they'd dealt with the crisis professionally and effectively, even if it wasn't all that bad in the end. They definitely
needed some decent PR after the Hurricane Katrina debacle.
I was quite shocked to see that ITV poll programme which was trying to establish the Top 50 News Shots since ITV began.
They'd got down to the last 10, and they were encouraging viewers to phone a premium rate number and vote on what they thought was the most memorable story.
It was basically a case of voting for your "favourite disaster".
You could have had the Tsunami, the Ethiopian Famine, 9/11, the JFK Assassination, England's 1966 World Cup Win etc It all seemed a bit weird to me...I didn't hang around to see what the "winner" was...
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