I actually thought that my "for for porpoise" line was quite original and funny. Hah! What a twat!
After a quick Google, I discovered that the "fit for porpoise" line is all over the internet in various contexts, like a bad rash.
It's always slightly tragic when you think you have a good new joke, but it fails the Google examination.
I was walking down my street yesterday when I noticed a group of pigeons feeding enthusiastically on a fresh-looking pool of vomit on the pavement.
It's just one of these charming, memorable images which serves to remind us that the Festive Season is very much upon us.
It's pretty much the whole of December now. That's 1/12 of a year. That's quite a long time to keep the Festive thing going.
So don't let me catch any of you being miserable during this time. It's just not on.
I spent a little time Xmas shopping today. It's such fun!
The centre of Edinburgh was predictable jammed.
There's quite an uncomfortable mix of people on the streets.
There's the Xmas Shoppers with that tense 10 000 yard stare...the expressions of people who give the impression they've have just had a tense tour of duty in Iraq.
Then there's the groups of people obviously up in Edinburgh for a weekend of extreme drinking and revelry, bouncing around, annoying the shoppers by stopping suddenly in the street for a group chat, and having the nerve to look cheery, even if it is all a false, largely alcohol-fuelled facade.
I lasted an hour then had to bail out.
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