This is the flyer for the award-entering “No Comedy For Old Men” comedy show which I will be appearing in during this year’s Fringe.
I am on the right and am assuming the Abe Lincoln role.
Purely by coincidence, I’d already intended incorporating extended sections of “The Gettysburg Address” into my routine, (just like Margaret Thatcher. In fact she released a record of herself reciting the said speech. Sadly it did not feature prominently in the higher reaches of the Hit Parade).
As well as stopping smoking for an impressive 150th time (although I did smoke 5 at the holiday weekend…but the overall stats are “5 in 18 days”), I’ve decided to permanently stop posting on Internet Comedy Forums.
I get agitated reading pompous posts of certainty when it comes to comedy matters, but then when I do post a retort…I immediately regret the post, finding myself disagreeing with my own logic (although I can’t be bothered to go in and edit the post or delete it)
I then worry about being thought of as a grumpy old git by the rest of the comedy community in Scotland.
I think it’s better to walk away and find something more productive to do with my spare time, (maybe something eccentric like writing better material…).
I’ve signed on for another 2 months of penal servitude (there’s a joke there somewhere), but will have the whole of August off to gad about at the Festival.
Tonight we are doing a preview show of all the acts appearing during the Fringe at “The Meridian Bar” on Leith walk.
My gut instinct is that the audience will be entirely composed of other acts (of which there are a lot), and that the evening’s merit as a promotional exercise will be debatable.
But never, mind, I don’t want to get negative on your asses, sisters and brothers.
It’ll be useful to check out the venue.
I’m still giddy with excitement at winning the “Eightsome Reel” trophy at the weekend with my esteemed golfing partner Brian “Beaky” Smith.
I now have an impressive claret jug sitting proudly on my mantelpiece.
I’m still slightly knackered though from playing 2 rounds in a day at Machrihanish Golf Course in Argyll, in what felt like 45 degrees temperature.
I played football last night in a manner reminiscent of Sir Douglas Bader (he having put on the wrong set of legs accidentally, after an embarrassing mix-up in the prosthetics ward).
A cunning “big con” was concocted on the 18th green to fool “Parky” and “Beaky” (nicknames were compulsory), that they had in fact been pipped at the post by our nearest rivals, messrs “Tony” and “Calum” (crap nicknames I thought)
We needed “Crabbie” and “Bilbo” (that’s more like it) to beat them, and we knew they were 1 Up as they headed down the 17th.
It turned out they won the 17th and took the match 2 & 1 ; however, a plot was hatched to take the game down the 18th in the pretence it was still “live”.
“Crabbie” and “Bilbo” hid decent drives, but then proceeded to hit a couple of “Charlie Cairoli” influenced approach shots as myself and Beaky looked on in mounting disbelief.
I turned to Beaky and quietly confided to him, “We’re fucked!”
“Tony” had 2 putts from 30 feet to salvage a draw for the match and take the overall trophy.
We worriedly looked on as he removed his tiny putter from his golf bag, which was made from an old smarties tube, and lined up the putt.
He sent the first putt 3 feet past, but, amidst excruciating tension, he sank the second putt to “take the trophy”.
It was only 2 hours later during the presentation ceremony that the stitch-up was revealed.
I was in awe of the execution and flawless acting of all the participants.
I would definitely have burst out giggling at some point in the proceedings.
I was concerned with my gullibility.
I was sure I’d seen them shaking hands on the 17th green (we were playing one hole ahead), but was easily dissuaded of this belief when I mentioned it to them.
But why else would all 4 players spontaneously converge onto a tight group on a green?
To do a little Scottish folk dance?
To have a group snog?
I'd be good on the Derren Brown show...very suggestible (ie a fuckwit)
"No Comedy For Old Men"
31st July - 16th Aug 2008
7pm
Meridian Bar
138 Leith Walk
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