13/07/07 Conspiracy

Well it seems a bit extreme doesn't it?
I mean someone in Italian football flagrantly bribing an policeman to shoot someone, thus ensuring that a load of Serie A matches get postponed, thus ensuring that the Italian players get an extra rest before the big match this weekend...
Well I'm pretty sure I could get Oliver Stone to agree with me.
I sincerely hope that the Scottish players are getting special psychological training this week in which "specially trained" interrogators spend 90 minutes at a time shouting in their faces various graphic insults relating to the sexual peccadilloes of their parents....
The main object of the exercise would be conditioning them not to react to this calculated provocation!
It is important they undergo this training to avoid "Doing A Zidane" on Saturday.
We can't afford to lose a player.
In fact it would be great to get a couple extra.

I was clearing out a load of junk last night and came across a diary I kept while I was at University.
It has to be said it was largely dull, but one entry jumped out at me.
It described what I made myself for tea one night.
The gourmet extravaganza consisted of a tin (yes ..."a TIN") of "Smedleys Sausage Rolls", followed by Strawberry Angel Delight.
No wonder I was never in a position to represent Britain in the Olympics, eating shite like that.
What was I thinking of?
Tinned sausage rolls?
I haven't seen them about lately...
Has the market for tinned sausage rolls imploded?
I find that very hard to believe...!
I'd like to see an episode of "Ready Steady Cook" in which one of the contestants shakes their plastic bag to reveal a tin of Smedleys Sausage Rolls, a box of Angel Delight, a small tin of Heinz Beans and Baconburgers and a jar of Piccalili...
Just to see Ainsley do his big surprised face thing...
Now there's a fucking challenge for you....make something nice out of that shit...!
It's funny thinking of the Martians taking the piss out of people peeling potatoes and boiling them, as they sat in their spaceship eating their Instant Mash...
We need new Martians to take the piss out of the old Martians...
Who eats Instant Mash these days?
Mind you, I always thought it tasted shit from day one.
The Smedleys Sausage Rolls meal represented me having a break from the fare on offer at the MacRobert Cafeteria at Stirling University.
It was grim as well.
We used to refer to the food there as "MacBobbie Jobbie".