Pizza restaurants will be extinct soon.
Whereas most other restaurants are packing them in, the specialist pizza eateries are lying empty.
Too much fat.
Too many carbs.
They need a scientist to produce a white paper proving that pizza wards off all known forms of cancer.
Speaking of pizzas, I witnessed possibly the most impressive thing I've ever seen in my life a couple of days ago.
I was sitting in the Barony Bar on Broughton St when I noticed a complete 12" pizza lying on the road.
The owner had obviously dropped it accidentally or had decided they didn't fancy eating it after an initial inspection.
Anyway, a seagull swooped into view and ate the whole, darn pizza in a time I'd estimate at approx 3 seconds.
It then flew away, narrowly avoiding an oncoming car.
Amazing!
I went to see Simon Munnery yesterday. Very funny.
It was his usual AGM show, and after the show he invited the audience to come with him to The Star Bar to continue the meeting and go through the motions submitted by the audience.
This started off funnily enough, but there were too may wackos in the audience who decided to use the opportunity to showcase their painfully "wacky" humour.
It was all a bit too much for me to bear after half an hour so I left, thanking Simon for a cracking couple of hours of entertainment.
I wrote as my motion...
"My old man is a dustman, he doesn't get on at all with that Mr Sheen who lives next door though. Discuss."
I left before it was read out.
It made me laugh when I wrote it (not generally a foolproof guide), and I think I'll include it in today's show.
Will it get a laugh?
A nation holds its breath (again).
One thing that really gets my dander up during the Festival are fuckwit, aggressive drivers (probably local) who make no concession to the fact that the streets are jammed with people, many of whom are pissed to various degrees, who don't know the roads or where the traffic is coming from etc, and just scoot around tooting their horns and screeching on their breaks...Lighten up you sad bastards that's what I say...
I was smoking a fag on the Royal Mile yesterday, (yes I know it's bad but I will be suspending this activity after the Festival (again)).
Just as I stubbed it out into a bin I became aware that I was being stalked by an Environmental Warden.
He'd obviously noticed I was nearing the end of my cigarette and was poised and ready to strike if I had dropped it on the ground.
That would have been a £50 fine...!
Just as well I'm environmentally friendly, huh?
Saw Daniel Kitson in "C90" last night.
Excellent stuff.
The show was tarnished slightly be people leaving for toilet breaks during the show.
The set-up is such that any departure is very disruptive.
He actually lost his place for a few seconds on one such occurrence.
At the end of the play he just goes out a door.
He didn't come back to take a bow.
I sensed that he was probably raging at the interruptions, but maybe taking bows isn't his style.
I saw Frankie Boyle earlier.
By the time I got in, the only seats were in the front row.
I don't really mind getting picked on, so I'm quite comfortable sitting there.
However, at the end, I did feel a little neglected as he'd picked on everyone else in the front row apart from me!
Maybe I didn't look terrified enough, and comedians can sense that you might be a smart arse type?
Anyway, great show...he was cooking with gas.
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