I feel I should award belated kudos to my old friends Egg and Mitch who travelled to London from Shropshire and Scotland respectively, just
to see me perform at the Hackney Empire.
This represents a classic example of outstanding devotion, above and beyond the call of duty.
I was impressed and deeply moved.
Mitch runs the Edinburgh Film Studios.
I would implore you all to go there immediately, and arrange to make a film.
Cinema was very popular during the Great Depression of the 1930s, so it could be a great opportunity to indulge your creative whims
and direct a “Credit Crunch” , feelgood Blockbuster for 2009.
I got a couple of reviews in The Stage and on Chortle.
They are both generally positive and have some really good quotable quotes.
I find the “squashed face” description a bit odd though.
I’ve been called many things, but “squashed face” is a new one…
The review was written by a Julian Chambers, whereas last year’s (at times extremely scathing) Hackney review was written by one Julia Chamberlain.
I suspect they are the same person?
Intriguing…
But hey, I’m really happy with the reviews…and hopefully I can use them to open a few doors.
I’m working with a few Indian guys at work at the moment.
They’re good guys and I have a good laugh with them.
I find it very amusing that they all call me “Park”.
(I’m listed as “PARK, James” on the directory)
I haven’t pointed out to them that they are calling me by my surname.
It just feels quite funny to be called that.
I don’t think I’ve been routinely referred to as “Park” since I was at High School.
Could I be getting nostalgic for my dreadful time as a pupil at Queensferry High School?
From what I gather, it’s a good school now, but in my time it was a rotten, depressing environment.
So anyway, do teachers still use the surname to deal with pupils, or have we arrived at a more touchy-feely era in which
first names are invoked?
I don’t know.
I’ve had to stop smoking again.
This becomes necessary as I have arrived at what I term as the “stupid phase” of my smoking habit.
For a while I can just have the odd cigarette now and again ; often having 2-3 day smoke free intervals.
Unfortunately, I have been smoking just about every day for the past month (the Hackney Empire is definitely a contributory factor here).
My cue to stop is when I start smoking cigarettes when I don’t really want one.
It’s a mad impulse…
In spite of having no urge, I’ll smoke one, then stub it out half-way through the cigarette, and go “Ugh! I didn’t enjoy that at all…”
I have done this a lot in the last 2 weeks and as a result, it is now time for another ceasesmoke.
So “peace in the Middle East” or “Jim quits smoking for good”…
Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen….
I did a bit in my set last night at The Stand about my fictional Great Uncle Duncan.
Having completed what I now refer to as the "potato section" of my set, I mentioned that Uncle Duncan once said "The best laughs are with potatoes", shortly before sticking a fork into the side of his head.
Soon afterwards we had to put him in residential care.
This went really well...
It was a sold-out "Burns Special" at The Stand last night, making it the third cracking gig I've had in the last week.
Confidence is high at the moment.
I'm overdue a disaster...
Monday, January 26, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Hmmmm....Nice...!!!
So Hackney has come and gone….
It was the definite highpoint of my comedic career…
What a buzz to play in front of a sold-out Hackney Empire…1500 people…ker-pow…!!!
On this occasion I’d like to say “Fuck self-deprecation..!”
I had a storming gig…I couldn’t have wished in my wildest dreams for it to go any better…it was an absolute joy to play that stage…
My main anxiety before the gig was that I wouldn’t do myself justice, and regret not making the most of probably the biggest gig of my life.
Being so relieved it had gone well, any concern over the subjective musings of a group of judges seemed gloriously irrelevant.
I promise you. I’m not delusional…why only last Thursday I did much of my set to silence at the esteem’d “Heresy” comedy club in Edinburgh.
It was like doing a bible reading at school assembly.
I’ve no interest in hiding disasters.
I know they’re much more interesting to read about than the successful gigs though. I’m not stupid…
But it all got filmed, so I’ll stick a copy of it on here and then you, yes you, can decide if I’m being ludicrously, over-generous with my nauseatingly subjective self-review.
I was delighted that Fergus won…I‘m a big fan of his work as part of the “Colin and Fergus” double-act, and I loved his offbeat solo set on
Saturday night. Class.
Compere Arthur Smith was also on fine form.
He strode into a fairly tense Green Room before the show, and informed everyone that the previous year’s winner had now given up performing (this is true), so that winning this thing wasn’t necessarily recommended for your “fucking career!”, and did his trademark throaty chuckle.
He instantly transformed the atmosphere and had everyone giggled uncontrollably for the next few minutes as he held court.
Weirdly, I felt hardly any nerves as I strode onto the stage and did my set.
I felt more nervous doing the heat upstairs in a pub in Stoke Newington.
I just found the whole place such a comfortable, friendly environment that the nerves just went, and all that remained was a determination to
savour the experience, as these sort of things don’t come around too often.
And playing that stage was a celestial orgasm...buzz-tastic.
Of course being an emotional kind of guy, after the show I was choked at how celebratory my friends were who’d come along to see me.
They were miles more nervous than me about the whole thing ; utterly terrified of witnessing me having having a disaster.
I’m lucky to have the friends I have…they rock! (this is obviously turning into my Gwyneth Paltrow/Halle Berry moment)
And it was great to see my old samba muckers Hannah and Jen also making a surprise celebrity appearance.
Looking back, I really enjoyed the immediate aftermath of qualifying for the final.
Participating in the stand-up comedy experience involves taking a regulatory amount of kicks in the bollocks from time to time, so it’s nice to occasionally get a little bit of recognition that you’re doing something right.
I was enjoying this phase up until the beginning of last week ; then all of a sudden the final was looming large on the horizon.
I spent most of last week constantly pondering on what material to select for the 5 minute set.
It’s agonising, as you contemplate after the event bemoaning that you ended up making some catastrophically bad choices.
Then you have a bit of a worry on where you’ll end up on the bill…probably better to be in the middle of the first half I thought… There are so many acts to get through
that you don’t want to be too far down the bill and perform to a frazzled audience (I ended up being on 3rd in the 2nd half…not great, but could have been worse)…
You worry in case someone’s material is too similar to yours (particularly if they are on first) …Then you worry that if the person on before you is TOO funny then the audience will need a rest and you’ll catch them in a lull…or if the person before you has a lingering death, it may take time to get the room warmed up again…
There’s a whole range of anxiety inducing stuff to ponder over…
I think I’ll make that the end of my competition days…the performing is great…the surrounding stress is not so great.
But back at work now and have made a right pig's ear of something...I'm not getting as good a reaction from my work audience at all...
Back to reality.
It was the definite highpoint of my comedic career…
What a buzz to play in front of a sold-out Hackney Empire…1500 people…ker-pow…!!!
On this occasion I’d like to say “Fuck self-deprecation..!”
I had a storming gig…I couldn’t have wished in my wildest dreams for it to go any better…it was an absolute joy to play that stage…
My main anxiety before the gig was that I wouldn’t do myself justice, and regret not making the most of probably the biggest gig of my life.
Being so relieved it had gone well, any concern over the subjective musings of a group of judges seemed gloriously irrelevant.
I promise you. I’m not delusional…why only last Thursday I did much of my set to silence at the esteem’d “Heresy” comedy club in Edinburgh.
It was like doing a bible reading at school assembly.
I’ve no interest in hiding disasters.
I know they’re much more interesting to read about than the successful gigs though. I’m not stupid…
But it all got filmed, so I’ll stick a copy of it on here and then you, yes you, can decide if I’m being ludicrously, over-generous with my nauseatingly subjective self-review.
I was delighted that Fergus won…I‘m a big fan of his work as part of the “Colin and Fergus” double-act, and I loved his offbeat solo set on
Saturday night. Class.
Compere Arthur Smith was also on fine form.
He strode into a fairly tense Green Room before the show, and informed everyone that the previous year’s winner had now given up performing (this is true), so that winning this thing wasn’t necessarily recommended for your “fucking career!”, and did his trademark throaty chuckle.
He instantly transformed the atmosphere and had everyone giggled uncontrollably for the next few minutes as he held court.
Weirdly, I felt hardly any nerves as I strode onto the stage and did my set.
I felt more nervous doing the heat upstairs in a pub in Stoke Newington.
I just found the whole place such a comfortable, friendly environment that the nerves just went, and all that remained was a determination to
savour the experience, as these sort of things don’t come around too often.
And playing that stage was a celestial orgasm...buzz-tastic.
Of course being an emotional kind of guy, after the show I was choked at how celebratory my friends were who’d come along to see me.
They were miles more nervous than me about the whole thing ; utterly terrified of witnessing me having having a disaster.
I’m lucky to have the friends I have…they rock! (this is obviously turning into my Gwyneth Paltrow/Halle Berry moment)
And it was great to see my old samba muckers Hannah and Jen also making a surprise celebrity appearance.
Looking back, I really enjoyed the immediate aftermath of qualifying for the final.
Participating in the stand-up comedy experience involves taking a regulatory amount of kicks in the bollocks from time to time, so it’s nice to occasionally get a little bit of recognition that you’re doing something right.
I was enjoying this phase up until the beginning of last week ; then all of a sudden the final was looming large on the horizon.
I spent most of last week constantly pondering on what material to select for the 5 minute set.
It’s agonising, as you contemplate after the event bemoaning that you ended up making some catastrophically bad choices.
Then you have a bit of a worry on where you’ll end up on the bill…probably better to be in the middle of the first half I thought… There are so many acts to get through
that you don’t want to be too far down the bill and perform to a frazzled audience (I ended up being on 3rd in the 2nd half…not great, but could have been worse)…
You worry in case someone’s material is too similar to yours (particularly if they are on first) …Then you worry that if the person on before you is TOO funny then the audience will need a rest and you’ll catch them in a lull…or if the person before you has a lingering death, it may take time to get the room warmed up again…
There’s a whole range of anxiety inducing stuff to ponder over…
I think I’ll make that the end of my competition days…the performing is great…the surrounding stress is not so great.
But back at work now and have made a right pig's ear of something...I'm not getting as good a reaction from my work audience at all...
Back to reality.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Happy New Year!
found this old review of me on the interweb…
I don’t think it was one of my finest hours, but I reckon I could use the “best act of the evening” quote though…
Interestingly, I do seem to be getting criticised for having a go at scripted comedians, then proceeding to read off a clipboard throughout my act…
I imagine that if one4review were doing a review of “Dad’s Army” ,in a similar vein, they would criticise Corporal Jones, for repeatedly telling his colleagues “Don’t panic! don’t panic!”, while acting in a highly agitated manner which gives the viewer the distinct impression that he himself is panicking, in direct contravention of the advice he is seen to be vociferously issuing.
I can’t remember doing impersonations at any point. Intriguing!
I do like the reviewers though. They are comedy fans, and I wouldn’t want to discourage them.
I was down in Manchester doing a gig at the Comedy Balloon this week, and staying with my illustrious, older brother.
I’ve always been a little disappointed in that, despite living in Manchester for more than 20 years, he still does not refer to me as “our kid”.
Unfortunately, it was a damp, freezing horrible night, Man Utd were live on the telly, and the acts outnumbered the audience.
It was a funny evening though, and I was still grateful of the chance to get in some training before the Hackney event.
And £1.89 for a pint of bitter!
It’s fair to say I’m enjoying gigging in England much more than Scotland at the moment.
I think I’m fortunate in the sense that my material has no particular Scottish identity, and has a universal quality about it.
I’m not saying “universally hilarious” though ; I’d be the first to admit that some parts of my set are “universally mediocre”.
But I’m working on it…
I must confess I have been tuning in occasionally to “Celebrity Big Brother”, and actually enjoying it.
When Terry Christian presented “The Word”, he was the most loathed man on television, as far as I was concerned.
But now I really like him ; he’s totally re-invented himself into a cool, funny guy, as well as coming up with the most quotable quote of this series ;
“Big egos and low self-esteem, that’s why we’re in the business…”
That is so true…not universally, but there’s a lot of it about…
I’ve also been greatly enjoying “Dead Set”.
I’m generally quite partial to zombie stuff anyway, but with a crackling Charlie Brooker script and some fantastic, innovative film editing also in the mix, it’s sublime viewing.
I'm currently watching "World Darts".
You could argue that aesthetically, it's ridiculous watching fat, middle-aged men parading about on stage to a bombastic rock soundtrack.
I disagree.
I like it.
I don’t think it was one of my finest hours, but I reckon I could use the “best act of the evening” quote though…
Interestingly, I do seem to be getting criticised for having a go at scripted comedians, then proceeding to read off a clipboard throughout my act…
I imagine that if one4review were doing a review of “Dad’s Army” ,in a similar vein, they would criticise Corporal Jones, for repeatedly telling his colleagues “Don’t panic! don’t panic!”, while acting in a highly agitated manner which gives the viewer the distinct impression that he himself is panicking, in direct contravention of the advice he is seen to be vociferously issuing.
I can’t remember doing impersonations at any point. Intriguing!
I do like the reviewers though. They are comedy fans, and I wouldn’t want to discourage them.
I was down in Manchester doing a gig at the Comedy Balloon this week, and staying with my illustrious, older brother.
I’ve always been a little disappointed in that, despite living in Manchester for more than 20 years, he still does not refer to me as “our kid”.
Unfortunately, it was a damp, freezing horrible night, Man Utd were live on the telly, and the acts outnumbered the audience.
It was a funny evening though, and I was still grateful of the chance to get in some training before the Hackney event.
And £1.89 for a pint of bitter!
It’s fair to say I’m enjoying gigging in England much more than Scotland at the moment.
I think I’m fortunate in the sense that my material has no particular Scottish identity, and has a universal quality about it.
I’m not saying “universally hilarious” though ; I’d be the first to admit that some parts of my set are “universally mediocre”.
But I’m working on it…
I must confess I have been tuning in occasionally to “Celebrity Big Brother”, and actually enjoying it.
When Terry Christian presented “The Word”, he was the most loathed man on television, as far as I was concerned.
But now I really like him ; he’s totally re-invented himself into a cool, funny guy, as well as coming up with the most quotable quote of this series ;
“Big egos and low self-esteem, that’s why we’re in the business…”
That is so true…not universally, but there’s a lot of it about…
I’ve also been greatly enjoying “Dead Set”.
I’m generally quite partial to zombie stuff anyway, but with a crackling Charlie Brooker script and some fantastic, innovative film editing also in the mix, it’s sublime viewing.
I'm currently watching "World Darts".
You could argue that aesthetically, it's ridiculous watching fat, middle-aged men parading about on stage to a bombastic rock soundtrack.
I disagree.
I like it.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
They've found Tom!
I felt like a bit of an escapist experience this week, so ended up going to see "The Great Escape" at the cinema.
It was grand to see it on the big screen again. It took me back to my experience of seeing it at the cinema as a little boy, and being totally blown away by it.
Watching the tunnelling stuff in a large darkened room really boosts the claustrophobic effect.
Since I virtually know the screenplay off by heart, I paid more attention to what was going on in the background of a lot of the scenes.
There is so much more to follow in the cinematic image as opposed to the compressed TV format.
For example, in the "4th of July party" scene, where all the POWs are getting trashed on locally distilled hooch, there is some hilariously bad acting by the extras.
They've obviously been told to "appear drunk" , but are doing this in a very unconvincing way by swinging their cups from side to side in a piratey fashion, with smaller groups linking their arms, and swaying about like an old music hall act.
There's also a "Hitler youth" kid who appears in the background of a number of scenes, as a form of Nazi window dressing.
James Coburn's Australian "accent" is still just as funny after all these years.
and Danny ("Tunnel King") played by Charles Bronson, still wears the most disgusting pair of brown corduoroy trousers to escape in, (presumably he was concerned about how his nerves would hold up in the tunnel?)
There are some bits of the film that seem more than a little unlikely, (apart from Steve McQueen's fence-jumping-motorbiking...obviously)
For instance, after the escape a few of the POWs head to the train station to catch the next train out of there.
Isn't this maybe chancing things?
Wouldn't the Germans have suspected this, and checked everyone arriving at the station?
I'd have stayed in the woods, but that might have made the film less interesting?
Also, it's difficult to imagine the circumstances in which a non-German speaking American pilot and a blind, English ornithologist, could penetrate the undoubtedly high security around a German air base, and nick off with one of their planes.
But this is nit picking...it is still the classic adventure yarn.
Happy New Year!
It was grand to see it on the big screen again. It took me back to my experience of seeing it at the cinema as a little boy, and being totally blown away by it.
Watching the tunnelling stuff in a large darkened room really boosts the claustrophobic effect.
Since I virtually know the screenplay off by heart, I paid more attention to what was going on in the background of a lot of the scenes.
There is so much more to follow in the cinematic image as opposed to the compressed TV format.
For example, in the "4th of July party" scene, where all the POWs are getting trashed on locally distilled hooch, there is some hilariously bad acting by the extras.
They've obviously been told to "appear drunk" , but are doing this in a very unconvincing way by swinging their cups from side to side in a piratey fashion, with smaller groups linking their arms, and swaying about like an old music hall act.
There's also a "Hitler youth" kid who appears in the background of a number of scenes, as a form of Nazi window dressing.
James Coburn's Australian "accent" is still just as funny after all these years.
and Danny ("Tunnel King") played by Charles Bronson, still wears the most disgusting pair of brown corduoroy trousers to escape in, (presumably he was concerned about how his nerves would hold up in the tunnel?)
There are some bits of the film that seem more than a little unlikely, (apart from Steve McQueen's fence-jumping-motorbiking...obviously)
For instance, after the escape a few of the POWs head to the train station to catch the next train out of there.
Isn't this maybe chancing things?
Wouldn't the Germans have suspected this, and checked everyone arriving at the station?
I'd have stayed in the woods, but that might have made the film less interesting?
Also, it's difficult to imagine the circumstances in which a non-German speaking American pilot and a blind, English ornithologist, could penetrate the undoubtedly high security around a German air base, and nick off with one of their planes.
But this is nit picking...it is still the classic adventure yarn.
Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Merry Christmas!
Ok, watch this, it's very funny, ("funny" being a prized commodity in light of the relentless shite I've been watching on television for the last couple of days).
There was a landmark moment on "Match of the Day" last week.
Highlights of Hull City v Sunderland were being shown.
They both favoured stripey tops and dark shorts.
Yes, very interesting, but if you turned down the colour on the TV to "black and white" level they were virtually indistinguishable.
Has the day now arrived whereby no-one in Britain has a designated black-and-white telly?
Maybe the credit crunch will instigate a comeback? It's a cheaper license isn't it?
I kept my "Strictly Come Dancing" fan of a brother informed of the progress of the final as he dined in a Birmingham restaurant.
I eventually informed him that all the couples were level at the end, and they had been asked to do a "Charleston" with no prior rehearsal to decide the overall champion.
Much to my amusement he believed my cruel deception.
The positive element of this escapade is that rolling on the floor, kicking your legs in the air is a very effective aerobic exercise.
The amazingly talented Mark Lawrenson has been prattling on for weeks about how Robbie Keane can't fit into Liverpool's "system" and has no long term future at the club.
He seemed to play really well yesterday, scoring two goals in the 3-0 victory over Bolton.
I was curious to hear the great football philosopher's comments on this phenomenum after the game.
He didn't mention it.
Money for old rope...money for old rope...
My "Hackney" endeavors weren't mentioned at all over Christmas Dinner by my family.
They're a tough audience to impress...
I've been criticised in the last couple of days for being too eager to drop a reference on it into a conversation at a relatively early stage, as well as being slagged off for being too coy overall about it.
So that's it...no more mentions from me...!
I watched the second half of Rangers losing to Celtic today after a bit of a yomp round Holyrood Park.
A few years ago I would have been gutted at witnessing the debacle of the Gers losing at home to an eminently beatable Celtic side.
Today, I din't really feel anything, and found myself getting progressively bored watching it.
Bored? Watching an Old Firm game?
What is happening to me?
There was a landmark moment on "Match of the Day" last week.
Highlights of Hull City v Sunderland were being shown.
They both favoured stripey tops and dark shorts.
Yes, very interesting, but if you turned down the colour on the TV to "black and white" level they were virtually indistinguishable.
Has the day now arrived whereby no-one in Britain has a designated black-and-white telly?
Maybe the credit crunch will instigate a comeback? It's a cheaper license isn't it?
I kept my "Strictly Come Dancing" fan of a brother informed of the progress of the final as he dined in a Birmingham restaurant.
I eventually informed him that all the couples were level at the end, and they had been asked to do a "Charleston" with no prior rehearsal to decide the overall champion.
Much to my amusement he believed my cruel deception.
The positive element of this escapade is that rolling on the floor, kicking your legs in the air is a very effective aerobic exercise.
The amazingly talented Mark Lawrenson has been prattling on for weeks about how Robbie Keane can't fit into Liverpool's "system" and has no long term future at the club.
He seemed to play really well yesterday, scoring two goals in the 3-0 victory over Bolton.
I was curious to hear the great football philosopher's comments on this phenomenum after the game.
He didn't mention it.
Money for old rope...money for old rope...
My "Hackney" endeavors weren't mentioned at all over Christmas Dinner by my family.
They're a tough audience to impress...
I've been criticised in the last couple of days for being too eager to drop a reference on it into a conversation at a relatively early stage, as well as being slagged off for being too coy overall about it.
So that's it...no more mentions from me...!
I watched the second half of Rangers losing to Celtic today after a bit of a yomp round Holyrood Park.
A few years ago I would have been gutted at witnessing the debacle of the Gers losing at home to an eminently beatable Celtic side.
Today, I din't really feel anything, and found myself getting progressively bored watching it.
Bored? Watching an Old Firm game?
What is happening to me?
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Cor Blimey!
So anyway, I've been insanely busy at work for the last couple of weeks. By the time I get home I'm mentally frazzled and find the complicated plot structure of "Pingu The Penguin" a little too difficult to follow, so I just crash out.
I then rounded off the week with a lacklustre gig at The Stand in Glasgow.
I started and finished well, but there was a rather elongated mid-set slump.
I was chatting to some audience members at a break, and a few of them said that they thought I was funny and really liked me, but that they were too familiar with my material, having seen me several times doing a similar set.
I've always worried that this might be the case, particularly on Sunday nights in Glasgow where Michael Redmond has a cult following of regular attendees.
It was good to hear people say that though...
I thanked them and promised that on my next Sunday night there I would do a set of entirely new material, hopefully...
On a brighter note, I heard yesterday that I'm through to the final of the "Hackney New Act of the Year" competition on 17th January 2009.
I knew I'd had a really good gig in the heat, but experience has taught me to prepare for disappointment and treat anything else as a bonus.
The thought of possibly winning something like that doesn't enter my head...no chance...(well I would say that, wouldn't I?)
However, being introduced by one of my great comedy heroes, Arthur Smith, at the legendary Hackney Empire in front of 1500 people...Well, I'll have some of that!
That will be such a blast...!
Obviously, I hope I don't catastrophically die on my arse...but I've no fear about it. I'm just looking forward to having a bit of an adventure...
Apparently, the crowd can be quite feisty, and I can't rule out the possibility of hearing a resounding chorus of "Fack Off... You Cant!" ,sung to the tune of "Amazing Grace", echoing round the cavernous theatre as I depart from the stage.
But hopefully this won't happen.
I then rounded off the week with a lacklustre gig at The Stand in Glasgow.
I started and finished well, but there was a rather elongated mid-set slump.
I was chatting to some audience members at a break, and a few of them said that they thought I was funny and really liked me, but that they were too familiar with my material, having seen me several times doing a similar set.
I've always worried that this might be the case, particularly on Sunday nights in Glasgow where Michael Redmond has a cult following of regular attendees.
It was good to hear people say that though...
I thanked them and promised that on my next Sunday night there I would do a set of entirely new material, hopefully...
On a brighter note, I heard yesterday that I'm through to the final of the "Hackney New Act of the Year" competition on 17th January 2009.
I knew I'd had a really good gig in the heat, but experience has taught me to prepare for disappointment and treat anything else as a bonus.
The thought of possibly winning something like that doesn't enter my head...no chance...(well I would say that, wouldn't I?)
However, being introduced by one of my great comedy heroes, Arthur Smith, at the legendary Hackney Empire in front of 1500 people...Well, I'll have some of that!
That will be such a blast...!
Obviously, I hope I don't catastrophically die on my arse...but I've no fear about it. I'm just looking forward to having a bit of an adventure...
Apparently, the crowd can be quite feisty, and I can't rule out the possibility of hearing a resounding chorus of "Fack Off... You Cant!" ,sung to the tune of "Amazing Grace", echoing round the cavernous theatre as I depart from the stage.
But hopefully this won't happen.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
I wish it could be Xmas every day! (I don't really...)
So anyway, I found a film of this fat twat doing stand-up comedy...
There's definitely some kind of potential there though, doncha think? chortle chortle
Actually, I'm a bit disappointed with this clip.
For some reason the sound is very muffled, and gives the impression that the clip was recorded using some prehistoric condenser microphone.
It was a very lively night, and the clip doesn't really reflect that...(I would say that though, wouldn't I?)
I've been under the cosh somewhat in my daytime job, working long hours and getting mentally frazzled.
This has played havoc with my Xmas social commitments, and has resulted in me having to make several cancellations.
It's somewhat irritating to see people coming back from big boozy lunches, laughing and joking as I sit hunched behind my computer with an expression frozen in angst.
(quite similar to the facial expression that Paul Ince is currently favouring)
Mind you, my liver is having an unexpected holiday, as this time of the year is normally its "crazy time".
I decided to go the gym today but it was closed for redecoration.
I was hoping that the ventriloquist dummy was going to win "X-Factor" last night, but unfortunately he was the first to be eliminated.
However, the fact that a ventriloquist dummy was able to get all the way to the final must give all the nation's ventriloquist dummies incredible confidence and hope for the future.
There was a strange segment in the programme in which they paraded a selection of the most bizarro auditionees to come out and do an ensemble version of "Thank You For The Music".
It all felt very wrong...
There were obviously some singers who knew they were mental and crap and rejoiced in it.
However, there were also some who (judging from the auditions) actually believed they had star potential in spite of massive evidence to the contrary, and argued vehemently against their elimination.
It was quite sad to see them swallow their pride and appear in a "Parade of Shite" for our "entertainment".
The problem is, singing out of tune isn't really funny, it's just extremely painful to listen to.
I don't usually watch X-Factor though, ok?
I was just having a tea break from work.
There's definitely some kind of potential there though, doncha think? chortle chortle
Actually, I'm a bit disappointed with this clip.
For some reason the sound is very muffled, and gives the impression that the clip was recorded using some prehistoric condenser microphone.
It was a very lively night, and the clip doesn't really reflect that...(I would say that though, wouldn't I?)
I've been under the cosh somewhat in my daytime job, working long hours and getting mentally frazzled.
This has played havoc with my Xmas social commitments, and has resulted in me having to make several cancellations.
It's somewhat irritating to see people coming back from big boozy lunches, laughing and joking as I sit hunched behind my computer with an expression frozen in angst.
(quite similar to the facial expression that Paul Ince is currently favouring)
Mind you, my liver is having an unexpected holiday, as this time of the year is normally its "crazy time".
I decided to go the gym today but it was closed for redecoration.
I was hoping that the ventriloquist dummy was going to win "X-Factor" last night, but unfortunately he was the first to be eliminated.
However, the fact that a ventriloquist dummy was able to get all the way to the final must give all the nation's ventriloquist dummies incredible confidence and hope for the future.
There was a strange segment in the programme in which they paraded a selection of the most bizarro auditionees to come out and do an ensemble version of "Thank You For The Music".
It all felt very wrong...
There were obviously some singers who knew they were mental and crap and rejoiced in it.
However, there were also some who (judging from the auditions) actually believed they had star potential in spite of massive evidence to the contrary, and argued vehemently against their elimination.
It was quite sad to see them swallow their pride and appear in a "Parade of Shite" for our "entertainment".
The problem is, singing out of tune isn't really funny, it's just extremely painful to listen to.
I don't usually watch X-Factor though, ok?
I was just having a tea break from work.
Saturday, December 06, 2008
And another thing....
I neglected to mention that the much esteem'd Electric Mouse comedy club was started up again last week at Espionage in Victoria Street.
Graeme Harkins did a sterling job compering, with Tommy Mackay, Me, The Hobbit, Martin McAllister and Gordon Alexander making up the bill.
We had a reasonable crowd in and they seemed pretty happy with the product, so we'll be doing another in January.
I was down in London this week, and did a "Hackney Empire New Act of the Year" show.
I'm pretty anti-competition, but this was a really enjoyable gig, and it was good to catch up with old muckers of the comedy world.
It didn't really feel like your typical, common-or-garden comedy competition show.
It's basically a heat, amongst several, from which they select a number of finallists to appear next year at the famed "Hackney Empire" of old London town.
There's no winners announced on the night as they just pick a selection after seeing all the heats ; therefore you avoid crushing disappoinment and can remain happily delusional for a while.
I had a really good gig but wondered later if I'd maybe crammed too much material into my spot, (I reverted to a babbling 100mph delivery...just like the old days...I really enjoyed it!)
The flight back to Edinburgh on the next day was horrendous.
There was really bad turbulence for the whole journey, and I couldn't wait to get off the cigar tube of death.
I am something of a nervous flyer, but can usually cope with it ok. However this pushed me to the limit, and I was on the point of running up and down the aisle screaming "We're all going to die!!!"
Thankfully, I didn't have an aisle seat, and this kept me restrained.
In the worst of the turbulence, I did feel a need to begin talking to the man beside me.
I think this is a primal urge, in that we feel the need to make some sort of contact, rather than die with a group of strangers you know nothing about.
Unfortunately, he turned out to be one of the most boring people I've ever met in my life.
In some ways this was a good thing, as he made the turbulence look good in comparison.
But hey...I made it!
I'll get the bus next time I think...
Talking of competitions, I had this idea for a new comedy competition.
It's called "Universally Funny Comedian Of The Year".
There will be a series of heats in different solar systems of the Universe, with a Grand Final next year on Earth (well it's my idea, so my planet should be allowed to host the inaugural final!)
(I'd thought of a good opening line for an act..."Well, I'm surprised there's no heat on the sun for this competiton! Aye thang u!)
To qualify you have to have lived in the Universe for the last 12 months, or be married to someone who's lived in the Universe for the last 12 months...
and that's about it...there's big money prizes and a vague promise of some gigs in deep space.
It's a winner, I think...!
Graeme Harkins did a sterling job compering, with Tommy Mackay, Me, The Hobbit, Martin McAllister and Gordon Alexander making up the bill.
We had a reasonable crowd in and they seemed pretty happy with the product, so we'll be doing another in January.
I was down in London this week, and did a "Hackney Empire New Act of the Year" show.
I'm pretty anti-competition, but this was a really enjoyable gig, and it was good to catch up with old muckers of the comedy world.
It didn't really feel like your typical, common-or-garden comedy competition show.
It's basically a heat, amongst several, from which they select a number of finallists to appear next year at the famed "Hackney Empire" of old London town.
There's no winners announced on the night as they just pick a selection after seeing all the heats ; therefore you avoid crushing disappoinment and can remain happily delusional for a while.
I had a really good gig but wondered later if I'd maybe crammed too much material into my spot, (I reverted to a babbling 100mph delivery...just like the old days...I really enjoyed it!)
The flight back to Edinburgh on the next day was horrendous.
There was really bad turbulence for the whole journey, and I couldn't wait to get off the cigar tube of death.
I am something of a nervous flyer, but can usually cope with it ok. However this pushed me to the limit, and I was on the point of running up and down the aisle screaming "We're all going to die!!!"
Thankfully, I didn't have an aisle seat, and this kept me restrained.
In the worst of the turbulence, I did feel a need to begin talking to the man beside me.
I think this is a primal urge, in that we feel the need to make some sort of contact, rather than die with a group of strangers you know nothing about.
Unfortunately, he turned out to be one of the most boring people I've ever met in my life.
In some ways this was a good thing, as he made the turbulence look good in comparison.
But hey...I made it!
I'll get the bus next time I think...
Talking of competitions, I had this idea for a new comedy competition.
It's called "Universally Funny Comedian Of The Year".
There will be a series of heats in different solar systems of the Universe, with a Grand Final next year on Earth (well it's my idea, so my planet should be allowed to host the inaugural final!)
(I'd thought of a good opening line for an act..."Well, I'm surprised there's no heat on the sun for this competiton! Aye thang u!)
To qualify you have to have lived in the Universe for the last 12 months, or be married to someone who's lived in the Universe for the last 12 months...
and that's about it...there's big money prizes and a vague promise of some gigs in deep space.
It's a winner, I think...!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Feeling a bit fragile today....
Last night was the official post-Fringe wrap night out of the "No Comedy For Old Men" troupe.
A curry was followed by a Stand visit, then onwards to a party in Bruntsfield.
The evening commenced at 6pm, and ended when I got home at 5.15am
Unfortunately, drinking for 11 continuous hours has had the surprising effect of making me feel like absolute shit today.
Who would have thought it?
People should be warned about this...these adverts in posh casinos with people dancing about drinking "Cinzano Bianco" aren't telling the whole story.
It was a right old laugh of a night out though...very entertaining.
Last weekend at The Stand went really well, although the Saturday night was a fairly mediocre night for me.
2 out of 3 is pretty respectable though for the first time doing that spot.
The other bad news is that after 3 months and 3 days of smug righteousness, I slipped off the nicotine wagon, and succumbed to the lure of the coffin nail.
It's a comedy club thing...it's always at a comedy club that this happens...
Oh well, never mind...I'll stop again at New Year as is traditional.
I suppose the fact I haven't smoked for 3 months is still vaguely beneficial to my health.
I don't find giving up stressful, and don't use any aids like patches or chewing gum or owt like that.
It was beginning to get dark as I emerged from my pit today.
I hate when this happens...
A whole day has been lost...life is too short for that sort of shit.
Right, I'm off to the pub.
A curry was followed by a Stand visit, then onwards to a party in Bruntsfield.
The evening commenced at 6pm, and ended when I got home at 5.15am
Unfortunately, drinking for 11 continuous hours has had the surprising effect of making me feel like absolute shit today.
Who would have thought it?
People should be warned about this...these adverts in posh casinos with people dancing about drinking "Cinzano Bianco" aren't telling the whole story.
It was a right old laugh of a night out though...very entertaining.
Last weekend at The Stand went really well, although the Saturday night was a fairly mediocre night for me.
2 out of 3 is pretty respectable though for the first time doing that spot.
The other bad news is that after 3 months and 3 days of smug righteousness, I slipped off the nicotine wagon, and succumbed to the lure of the coffin nail.
It's a comedy club thing...it's always at a comedy club that this happens...
Oh well, never mind...I'll stop again at New Year as is traditional.
I suppose the fact I haven't smoked for 3 months is still vaguely beneficial to my health.
I don't find giving up stressful, and don't use any aids like patches or chewing gum or owt like that.
It was beginning to get dark as I emerged from my pit today.
I hate when this happens...
A whole day has been lost...life is too short for that sort of shit.
Right, I'm off to the pub.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Ouch!
I took a bit of a tumble down the stairs outside my house last week and ended up smashing my ribs off the stone steps.
I was initially relieved that I hadn't broken any limbs or cracked my head, but found it difficult to get out of bed on the following day.
I was accompanied by a visiting Spanish dignitary, and she said it was "The funniest thing I have seen in my life ever!".
This sustained me in my time of crisis.
Now I've had quite a few injuries...I've broken my wrist, broken one of my metatarsal bones (long before it was fashionable), torn various knee ligaments and broken my scaphoid a couple of times...
However, if you took all these events and accumulated all the pain involved, it would still come nowhere near the level of pain I experienced when I sneezed the day after my fall.
I nearly passed out, and dropped to the floor in absolute agony.
I'd have confessed to anything at this point, if threatened with another sneeze.
I shudder to think what would have happened if I'd injured myself in summer and had one of my standard hay fever sneezing fits.
I think it would have killed me...I would have had to stay in a bubble until Autumn.
With the help of industrial quantities of codeine I've managed to cope with the pain, but it's been nasty.
On a lighter note, I'm spending the weekend doing the opening spot at The Stand, and am very happy with the way it is going.
It's the first time I've done this spot over a weekend, so I have to be pleased that so far I've had 2 solid gigs.
Jason Cook is also on the bill, and I've been mesmerised by his brilliance as a performer.
He's one of these acts that you watch as a comedian and think "what is the point?", in terms of your own act.
I've undoubtedly had a couple of really good gigs, but watching Jason take the roof off really puts things into perspective.
To employ a musical metaphor, it was like I was playing a kazoo solo for 15 minutes on stage, before making way for John Coltrane to play some tasty jazz sax.
He's such a totally natural performer, it's sickening.
It's a really good line-up though all round, and everyone has been doing well...
Still one night to go though...hope I'm not tempting fate by prematurely proclaiming the weekend a success. Ha Ha.
I was initially relieved that I hadn't broken any limbs or cracked my head, but found it difficult to get out of bed on the following day.
I was accompanied by a visiting Spanish dignitary, and she said it was "The funniest thing I have seen in my life ever!".
This sustained me in my time of crisis.
Now I've had quite a few injuries...I've broken my wrist, broken one of my metatarsal bones (long before it was fashionable), torn various knee ligaments and broken my scaphoid a couple of times...
However, if you took all these events and accumulated all the pain involved, it would still come nowhere near the level of pain I experienced when I sneezed the day after my fall.
I nearly passed out, and dropped to the floor in absolute agony.
I'd have confessed to anything at this point, if threatened with another sneeze.
I shudder to think what would have happened if I'd injured myself in summer and had one of my standard hay fever sneezing fits.
I think it would have killed me...I would have had to stay in a bubble until Autumn.
With the help of industrial quantities of codeine I've managed to cope with the pain, but it's been nasty.
On a lighter note, I'm spending the weekend doing the opening spot at The Stand, and am very happy with the way it is going.
It's the first time I've done this spot over a weekend, so I have to be pleased that so far I've had 2 solid gigs.
Jason Cook is also on the bill, and I've been mesmerised by his brilliance as a performer.
He's one of these acts that you watch as a comedian and think "what is the point?", in terms of your own act.
I've undoubtedly had a couple of really good gigs, but watching Jason take the roof off really puts things into perspective.
To employ a musical metaphor, it was like I was playing a kazoo solo for 15 minutes on stage, before making way for John Coltrane to play some tasty jazz sax.
He's such a totally natural performer, it's sickening.
It's a really good line-up though all round, and everyone has been doing well...
Still one night to go though...hope I'm not tempting fate by prematurely proclaiming the weekend a success. Ha Ha.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Father Jack
I intended not to drink yesterday, and had earmarked the day to kick-start an ambitious 7 day abstinence from the evil that is alcohol.
Unfortunately there were problems.
I’m entertaining tomorrow night and decided to make a stew with guinness to feed my celebrity friends.
I only needed one can of guinness, but was shocked to discover that my local Sainsburys mini-store only sold cans of guinness in 4-packs.
I panicked and ended up buying 4 cans.
Of course, having used one can for cooking purposes, I decided that the fridge was getting dangerously cluttered and it would be sensible to drink the remaining 3 cans and allow the fridge to function more efficiently and emit less CFCs.
I’ve heard it said that people who have an alcohol problem will effectively be in denial for a long time before accepting their condition, and will typically use an enormous range of pathetic excuses to justify their drinking practices.
As far as I’m concerned, that’s a load of old nonsense.
In fairness, I deserved a drink after participating in a football match in which I fearlessly saved a thunderbolt shot with my testicles.
Disappointingly, we still lost heavily…
Today is the Glenrothes by-election.
It must be very disappointing for Glenrothes that the election is happening so soon after the US election, and has been more or less completely ignored by the media.
This is a shame, as a by-election gives a town a unique opportunity to promote itself to a UK audience through the regular TV coverage leading up to the day of the poll.
A lot of tourism potential has been missed.
If you are a fan of the St James Centre in Edinburgh, then think of a hundred similar versions of it all in one town, and there’s Glenrothes for you.
It is an architectural gem of the highest order.
An ornate delight of concreting excellence.
They have pubs and everything!
Not that I’d be particularly interested in that because, to be honest with you, as far as alcohol goes, I can take it or leave it.
Unfortunately there were problems.
I’m entertaining tomorrow night and decided to make a stew with guinness to feed my celebrity friends.
I only needed one can of guinness, but was shocked to discover that my local Sainsburys mini-store only sold cans of guinness in 4-packs.
I panicked and ended up buying 4 cans.
Of course, having used one can for cooking purposes, I decided that the fridge was getting dangerously cluttered and it would be sensible to drink the remaining 3 cans and allow the fridge to function more efficiently and emit less CFCs.
I’ve heard it said that people who have an alcohol problem will effectively be in denial for a long time before accepting their condition, and will typically use an enormous range of pathetic excuses to justify their drinking practices.
As far as I’m concerned, that’s a load of old nonsense.
In fairness, I deserved a drink after participating in a football match in which I fearlessly saved a thunderbolt shot with my testicles.
Disappointingly, we still lost heavily…
Today is the Glenrothes by-election.
It must be very disappointing for Glenrothes that the election is happening so soon after the US election, and has been more or less completely ignored by the media.
This is a shame, as a by-election gives a town a unique opportunity to promote itself to a UK audience through the regular TV coverage leading up to the day of the poll.
A lot of tourism potential has been missed.
If you are a fan of the St James Centre in Edinburgh, then think of a hundred similar versions of it all in one town, and there’s Glenrothes for you.
It is an architectural gem of the highest order.
An ornate delight of concreting excellence.
They have pubs and everything!
Not that I’d be particularly interested in that because, to be honest with you, as far as alcohol goes, I can take it or leave it.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
So Long Dubya!
Having decided to join the gym at work, I dragged myself in at lunchtime to get an idea of my current level of fitness.
I was not impressed.
I was a lot fitter when I was smoking.
I think the problem is that having given up smoking (nearly 3 months now), I have been drinking more alcohol..
I’ve not been getting drunk or anything like that, so don’t give me any of your tsk tsk stuff.
However, I’ve got into the habit of having some alcohol every day, and it definitely has the effect of making you progressively more and more sluggish.
I never used to do this.
I noticed that my main man Melvyn Bragg never drinks alcohol during the first week of the month, in order to demonstrate to himself that he is in control of his habit.
So, if it’s good enough for Melvyn then it’s good enough for me.
He also acknowledges that occasionally he likes to drink a lot of alcohol.
I think this is fine unless you are one of these people who turn into a psycho after a certain amount of alcohol..
I just talk louder, make stupid jokes and then fall asleep.
Although, apparently I do have a predilection for talking/shouting in my sleep after a generous serving of alcohol.
Surprisingly, hardly anything has been written about this Ross/Brand “Manuelgate” episode, so here’s my fascinating thoughts on the issue….
I have never found Jonathan Ross funny at all.
I accept that a lot of other people think he is hilarious.
I respect their right to think this, but they are completely wrong.
Russell Brand is capable of genius both as a writer and a stand-up, but he wasn’t being very funny in this instance.
I hate the Daily Mail with a vengeance, but they had a point this time.
I’ve always found the £18 million Ross contract flabbergasting, and would much rather the money had been spent on an alternative range of smaller BBC projects.
This has nothing to do with “censorship”…
There’s lots of comment expressing worry that this will compromise the BBC’s “cutting edge” comedy. Ha Ha!
I very rarely enjoy any comedy on the BBC, and find the majority of their current and recent output to be garbage…
I’ve had my fill of the endless “panel games”, and recent sitcoms such as “Two Pints”, “Grownups” etc etc leave me totally bemused by their unrelenting awfulness.
And talking of Manuel, I once showed an episode of “Fawlty Towers” to a Mexican friend of mine and she thought it was ”the most racist television programme” she had ever seen.
What does this add to the debate?
I’ve no idea…
And it’s President Obama! woo hoo!
He’s not going to be a particularly radical president, mainly because the economy is in such a mess, he has very little room to manoeuvre.
However, it’s great to see that the number of people using their vote in America has rocketed.
The Republicans might struggle to win another election, as they’ve always been the main benefactors of the traditionally poor turnout.
I was not impressed.
I was a lot fitter when I was smoking.
I think the problem is that having given up smoking (nearly 3 months now), I have been drinking more alcohol..
I’ve not been getting drunk or anything like that, so don’t give me any of your tsk tsk stuff.
However, I’ve got into the habit of having some alcohol every day, and it definitely has the effect of making you progressively more and more sluggish.
I never used to do this.
I noticed that my main man Melvyn Bragg never drinks alcohol during the first week of the month, in order to demonstrate to himself that he is in control of his habit.
So, if it’s good enough for Melvyn then it’s good enough for me.
He also acknowledges that occasionally he likes to drink a lot of alcohol.
I think this is fine unless you are one of these people who turn into a psycho after a certain amount of alcohol..
I just talk louder, make stupid jokes and then fall asleep.
Although, apparently I do have a predilection for talking/shouting in my sleep after a generous serving of alcohol.
Surprisingly, hardly anything has been written about this Ross/Brand “Manuelgate” episode, so here’s my fascinating thoughts on the issue….
I have never found Jonathan Ross funny at all.
I accept that a lot of other people think he is hilarious.
I respect their right to think this, but they are completely wrong.
Russell Brand is capable of genius both as a writer and a stand-up, but he wasn’t being very funny in this instance.
I hate the Daily Mail with a vengeance, but they had a point this time.
I’ve always found the £18 million Ross contract flabbergasting, and would much rather the money had been spent on an alternative range of smaller BBC projects.
This has nothing to do with “censorship”…
There’s lots of comment expressing worry that this will compromise the BBC’s “cutting edge” comedy. Ha Ha!
I very rarely enjoy any comedy on the BBC, and find the majority of their current and recent output to be garbage…
I’ve had my fill of the endless “panel games”, and recent sitcoms such as “Two Pints”, “Grownups” etc etc leave me totally bemused by their unrelenting awfulness.
And talking of Manuel, I once showed an episode of “Fawlty Towers” to a Mexican friend of mine and she thought it was ”the most racist television programme” she had ever seen.
What does this add to the debate?
I’ve no idea…
And it’s President Obama! woo hoo!
He’s not going to be a particularly radical president, mainly because the economy is in such a mess, he has very little room to manoeuvre.
However, it’s great to see that the number of people using their vote in America has rocketed.
The Republicans might struggle to win another election, as they’ve always been the main benefactors of the traditionally poor turnout.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Vogue vogue vogue...
One of the benefits of working temporarily in a zany insurance office is that I get a chance to see what the current fashion trends are amongst urban professionals.
I'm thrilled to observe that the knitted tank top is making a big, big comeback.
It's also clear that some men are using the opportunity presented by a less rigid formal dress code (ie the tie is no longer compulsory), to wear their golf gear to the office.
Slacks, sleeveless golf shirts and Pringle sweaters are very much de rigeur.
It's a great privilege to be exposed to this high fashion sensibility on a daily basis, and I'm hoping that some of it will eventually rub off on me, and I will at last achieve my lifelong ambition of being a global style icon.
Other than fashion news, I decided to try the canteen today, and immediately regretted it ; although not as much as my colleague Nigel did, when presented with his salmon steak which looked like it had been cooked in the late 1960s and heated up for him today.
Looks like myself and fellow comedy man Graeme will be running a fortnightly comedy club at the Espionage in Edinburgh starting at the end of November.
We're planning on running it on a Friday night, early evening, and using the Fringe show format, ie an approximately 80 minute show with no interval.
The idea is that people have a chance to split the evening between comedy and being out on the lash/dancing.
Anyway, it will be an interesting experiment.
In exciting Home Improvement news, I'm getting the windows draught-proofed this week.
I reckon by 2039 this work will have paid for itself in the resultant energy savings.
I'm thrilled to observe that the knitted tank top is making a big, big comeback.
It's also clear that some men are using the opportunity presented by a less rigid formal dress code (ie the tie is no longer compulsory), to wear their golf gear to the office.
Slacks, sleeveless golf shirts and Pringle sweaters are very much de rigeur.
It's a great privilege to be exposed to this high fashion sensibility on a daily basis, and I'm hoping that some of it will eventually rub off on me, and I will at last achieve my lifelong ambition of being a global style icon.
Other than fashion news, I decided to try the canteen today, and immediately regretted it ; although not as much as my colleague Nigel did, when presented with his salmon steak which looked like it had been cooked in the late 1960s and heated up for him today.
Looks like myself and fellow comedy man Graeme will be running a fortnightly comedy club at the Espionage in Edinburgh starting at the end of November.
We're planning on running it on a Friday night, early evening, and using the Fringe show format, ie an approximately 80 minute show with no interval.
The idea is that people have a chance to split the evening between comedy and being out on the lash/dancing.
Anyway, it will be an interesting experiment.
In exciting Home Improvement news, I'm getting the windows draught-proofed this week.
I reckon by 2039 this work will have paid for itself in the resultant energy savings.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
9 To 5
One good thing is that I don't have to take the morning train, as it's only a 12 minute walk from my home to the office.
It's fair to say that my return to the wacky world of IT contracting is proving every bit as enjoyable as I had anticipated.
Pension Schemes' online transactions rock I tell you..., and anyone who disagrees is a right cunt!
I had a bit of a chuckle as I went and purchased a cup of tea at the cafe bit.
I think I've done about 8 separate contracts here over the last 10 years, and this guy has always served me my cuppa.
In spite of buying probably a four figure number of cups off him, he still refuses to acknowledge me with any pleasantry or greeting, or engage in the most perfunctory of idle banter.
He knows I always have a tea but he never second guesses my choice in a way that a friendly bartender might.
There is almost something gently re-assuring about his studied indifference to his customers.
No, it's not just me. I have discussed this with others who share the same experience.
If he ever says "So you're back! How are you doing? Tea?", the shock would probably kill me.
Had a hugely enjoyable gig at The Stand on Sunday, and it was grand witnessing Andrew O'Neill's glorious, nonsensical rambling for the first time. Quality.
There was also a young guy Stephen Callaghan doing a 5 minute spot, who I'd never seen before and thought was bleeding hilarious.
This lightened my mood, as I contemplated the next day shock of employment.
The first day was ok, but I perhaps ill-advisedly went out to watch "Red Raw" in the evening, and ended up slurping down 6 pints of Amstell lager whilst sharing witty badinage with the ample comedy radar blips of Gordon Alexander and Antony Murray.
All very entertaining, but left me feeling like shit on Tuesday morning.
Must try harder.
Watched the final episode of "Sunshine" with Steve Coogan.
To be honest it's all a bit twee, but it still left me choked at the end, shamelessly manipulating my vulnerable old emotions.
Yes, I am such a big fucking sap these days, you wouldn't believe.
I still can't be bothered with football..
I watched a bit of Man U v Celtic but got bored and switched over.
20 years ago that fixture would have been hyped for weeks in advance, and it would have been deemed unthinkable to miss it.
Tonight's match was completely devoid of edge and excitement.
I got a contract in the post today for a gig down south that I got by speculatively sending out my comedy cv and gig audio to a few promoters.
A simple event, but one that made me feel like a "proper" comedian.
And yes...I know, I know just how wanky that sounds...but does my face look bothered?
No it jolly well does not...so there!
Don't judge me...
It's fair to say that my return to the wacky world of IT contracting is proving every bit as enjoyable as I had anticipated.
Pension Schemes' online transactions rock I tell you..., and anyone who disagrees is a right cunt!
I had a bit of a chuckle as I went and purchased a cup of tea at the cafe bit.
I think I've done about 8 separate contracts here over the last 10 years, and this guy has always served me my cuppa.
In spite of buying probably a four figure number of cups off him, he still refuses to acknowledge me with any pleasantry or greeting, or engage in the most perfunctory of idle banter.
He knows I always have a tea but he never second guesses my choice in a way that a friendly bartender might.
There is almost something gently re-assuring about his studied indifference to his customers.
No, it's not just me. I have discussed this with others who share the same experience.
If he ever says "So you're back! How are you doing? Tea?", the shock would probably kill me.
Had a hugely enjoyable gig at The Stand on Sunday, and it was grand witnessing Andrew O'Neill's glorious, nonsensical rambling for the first time. Quality.
There was also a young guy Stephen Callaghan doing a 5 minute spot, who I'd never seen before and thought was bleeding hilarious.
This lightened my mood, as I contemplated the next day shock of employment.
The first day was ok, but I perhaps ill-advisedly went out to watch "Red Raw" in the evening, and ended up slurping down 6 pints of Amstell lager whilst sharing witty badinage with the ample comedy radar blips of Gordon Alexander and Antony Murray.
All very entertaining, but left me feeling like shit on Tuesday morning.
Must try harder.
Watched the final episode of "Sunshine" with Steve Coogan.
To be honest it's all a bit twee, but it still left me choked at the end, shamelessly manipulating my vulnerable old emotions.
Yes, I am such a big fucking sap these days, you wouldn't believe.
I still can't be bothered with football..
I watched a bit of Man U v Celtic but got bored and switched over.
20 years ago that fixture would have been hyped for weeks in advance, and it would have been deemed unthinkable to miss it.
Tonight's match was completely devoid of edge and excitement.
I got a contract in the post today for a gig down south that I got by speculatively sending out my comedy cv and gig audio to a few promoters.
A simple event, but one that made me feel like a "proper" comedian.
And yes...I know, I know just how wanky that sounds...but does my face look bothered?
No it jolly well does not...so there!
Don't judge me...
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Woo Hoo! It's Winter Time....!
After a couple of problematic gigs followed by the cancellation in Glasgow, I had a cracker at the Heresy Club at the Jekyll & Hyde.
That bar has been something of a happy hunting ground for me of late.
Other thoughts.
The voices of "River Cottage" presenter Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and "Channel 4 News" presenter Jon Snow are virtually indistinguishable.
I have cancelled my Cable Sports subscription.
I have finally realised that I have fallen out of love with football, (Kris Boyd's post-Scotland v Norway, stupid, scowling face and reading Chick Young's ludicrous BBC Blog helped me arrive at this decision), and would rather use time spent watching it doing something else.
I'm not paying these twats wages any more.
I'm bored with the obsession with "Champions League millions".
I'm pissed off that there is no great improvement in Scottish footballers' technique, in comparison with other nations.
I watched the last US Presidential Debate this week.
It was slightly more interesting than the preceding debates, in that they finally had a bit of a pop at each other.
It was all still faintly anodyne stuff though, and most of the debate "action" has been as interesting as watching 2 men conducting independent powerpoint presentations.
I think you have to go back to 1988 to when there was a real big moment in one of these debates.
This was a classic moment when Lloyd Bentsen caught Dan Quayle with a big sucker punch.
It's particularly noticeable that the audience were a lot more involved in those days.
The audience in the modern version are obviously told not to react vocally to anything that is said during the course of the debate.
I quite like this one as well...
Ronald Reagan's face is a picture as his "There you go again..." line is thrown back at him with interest.
All very entertaining, but in the end George Bush (the first) and Reagan still won the elections in question, so maybe they don't matter that much anyway.
That bar has been something of a happy hunting ground for me of late.
Other thoughts.
The voices of "River Cottage" presenter Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and "Channel 4 News" presenter Jon Snow are virtually indistinguishable.
I have cancelled my Cable Sports subscription.
I have finally realised that I have fallen out of love with football, (Kris Boyd's post-Scotland v Norway, stupid, scowling face and reading Chick Young's ludicrous BBC Blog helped me arrive at this decision), and would rather use time spent watching it doing something else.
I'm not paying these twats wages any more.
I'm bored with the obsession with "Champions League millions".
I'm pissed off that there is no great improvement in Scottish footballers' technique, in comparison with other nations.
I watched the last US Presidential Debate this week.
It was slightly more interesting than the preceding debates, in that they finally had a bit of a pop at each other.
It was all still faintly anodyne stuff though, and most of the debate "action" has been as interesting as watching 2 men conducting independent powerpoint presentations.
I think you have to go back to 1988 to when there was a real big moment in one of these debates.
This was a classic moment when Lloyd Bentsen caught Dan Quayle with a big sucker punch.
It's particularly noticeable that the audience were a lot more involved in those days.
The audience in the modern version are obviously told not to react vocally to anything that is said during the course of the debate.
I quite like this one as well...
Ronald Reagan's face is a picture as his "There you go again..." line is thrown back at him with interest.
All very entertaining, but in the end George Bush (the first) and Reagan still won the elections in question, so maybe they don't matter that much anyway.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Take Me To The Bridge
My Ryder Cup betting triumph has been somewhat overshadowed by the disastrous effect of the credit crunch on me poor old shares.
I don't want to dwell on this other than state it is just as well that I live in a basement flat.
By way of a new hobby,I have begun the practice of burning cash in a brazier in my back garden.
This is quicker and easier than buying shares, with the additional benefit that I don't have to pay dealing charges.
It's a win/win situation.
Things have come to such a sorry pass that I have been forced back into IT Contract slavery, and begin to serve another 3 month sentence on the 20th October.
It's a sair fecht.
Last Saturday presented an opportunity to return to the scene of this disastrous gig.
It remains my most catastrophic gig ever,and probably merits a top 10 position in the pantheon of "worst gigs experienced in the history of stand-up comedy".
But here was a chance of redemption...14 months after the event.
Comedy impresario, "Honest" Rick Molland drove myself and 2 other acts through to Glasgow for the evening.
By coincidence he had been the MC at my disastrous gig.
He took great delight in regaling the tale of my previous downfall to the other acts.
Oh how we laughed!
It's fair to say that a certain amount of exagerration has crept into the telling of the tale, but this is very much in the great storytelling tradition, and it would be churlish of me to object to it.
I expect that by this time next year, the legend will have it that an estimated total of 400 people walked out the gig as I ranted and raved , of which 23 later committed ritual suicide in Sauchiehall Street, so traumatised were they by my display.
But this time it was going to be different.
I was gig fit, and was ready to spring on stage like a lean, mean boxer and punch someone in the front row in the face, metaphorically, with my jokes.
In the end, 3 people showed up, and the gig was cancelled...
What made the night worthwhile was that we were afforded two views, from an east and west perspective, of the the new pedestrian bridge which has been placed at Harthill on the M8.
It has cost 5 million quid and was placed there by "the largest mobile crane in the world".
So to be among the first 10 000 or so people to have seen the bridge from the M8 made it a very special evening, in spite of our disappointment at the cancellation of the gig.
I don't want to dwell on this other than state it is just as well that I live in a basement flat.
By way of a new hobby,I have begun the practice of burning cash in a brazier in my back garden.
This is quicker and easier than buying shares, with the additional benefit that I don't have to pay dealing charges.
It's a win/win situation.
Things have come to such a sorry pass that I have been forced back into IT Contract slavery, and begin to serve another 3 month sentence on the 20th October.
It's a sair fecht.
Last Saturday presented an opportunity to return to the scene of this disastrous gig.
It remains my most catastrophic gig ever,and probably merits a top 10 position in the pantheon of "worst gigs experienced in the history of stand-up comedy".
But here was a chance of redemption...14 months after the event.
Comedy impresario, "Honest" Rick Molland drove myself and 2 other acts through to Glasgow for the evening.
By coincidence he had been the MC at my disastrous gig.
He took great delight in regaling the tale of my previous downfall to the other acts.
Oh how we laughed!
It's fair to say that a certain amount of exagerration has crept into the telling of the tale, but this is very much in the great storytelling tradition, and it would be churlish of me to object to it.
I expect that by this time next year, the legend will have it that an estimated total of 400 people walked out the gig as I ranted and raved , of which 23 later committed ritual suicide in Sauchiehall Street, so traumatised were they by my display.
But this time it was going to be different.
I was gig fit, and was ready to spring on stage like a lean, mean boxer and punch someone in the front row in the face, metaphorically, with my jokes.
In the end, 3 people showed up, and the gig was cancelled...
What made the night worthwhile was that we were afforded two views, from an east and west perspective, of the the new pedestrian bridge which has been placed at Harthill on the M8.
It has cost 5 million quid and was placed there by "the largest mobile crane in the world".
So to be among the first 10 000 or so people to have seen the bridge from the M8 made it a very special evening, in spite of our disappointment at the cancellation of the gig.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
27/09/04 Golf IS cool
And lo, it came to pass that the USA did in fact win the Ryder Cup...
kerrching....kerrching!
It actually was a lot closer than the final score suggests, and could have gone either way, but anyway...a nice payday for me.
It's a real shame that the Ryder Cup is on "Sky", as it needs to get seen by a bigger audience.
It's the most gripping sports event of all, I think.
I'd compare the last day of the Ryder Cup to watching 5 hours of back-to-back penalty shootouts.
It's such a PR own goal by the Golf administrators to not sell the rights to a terrestrial channel...
Anyway, I suspect my "cool rating" is plummeting faster than a portfolio of Banking shares, as a result of my weird, evangelical ode to the great game of golf.
The golf bet was just a one-off and I am not resuming my football betting regime.
Having just watched Arsenal lose at home to Hull City served as a reminder of the dangers of football betting.
That is definitely the grandaddy of all coupon bustin' results, I'd say.
I just sent a text to an Arsenal supporting friend, who was at the game, asking if he knew who the comedian was who had the pet emu.
Ha Ha...amn't I the funny one...! what?
I jogged/walked to the top of Arthur's seat yesterday...
It was a cracking day, and I was joined at the top by a group of American tourists who cooed at what a fantastic view it was and what a "truly beautiful city" Edinburgh was.
After a few minutes a group of teenagers, with recogniseable local accents appeared.
One piped up loudly "Ya Cnut ya...! Imagine sledging doon that...!!!" as he surveyed the view from the summit.
I felt very proud.
On the way down, I met three witches...
They said something like "Teddy should win....but that Rab Brown, riding a black stallion still might pose a threat".
I've no idea what they were on about, but maybe it will become clear later?
I woke up in the middle of the night and started jotting things down which seemed funny at the time, but in the cold light of day I'm not sure...but I'll give them a bash at a gig on Tuesday...
...well here's what I wrote...
I was in Canada and I was talking to a Grizzly Bear.
I said "Have you ever killed a salmon with your bare hands?"
He said "Yes"...in a sarcastic tone.
Do you know when you're trying to take off a wellington boot, and you're easing your foot out, and sometimes you leave the sock behind in the boot, when you finally pull it out?
That's a bit like when you take your jumper off and your t-shirt comes off at the same time, isn't it?
That's my observational humour bit.
And, I've got 2 hurricanes chatting to each other.
"Did you see me? did you see me? I took the roof off!"
I also have started a new treatment aimed at obese women with self-esteem issues.
I'm calling my approach, "Hippotherapy".
I saw a cracking film last night.
It was a German film called "The Wave".
It's about a teacher at a High School in Germany who has a week to teach his class about the political doctrine "Autocracy".
He decides to fully immerse his pupils in the subject, and for the week they create a "movement" and explore the ideology of the greater good of the "group" subjugating that of the individual.
Of course, things get a little out of hand.
There were a few moments when credulity was stretched, but overall a compelling movie.
It's like a reverse of "Dead Poets Society".
I have to say that it did at times make the conversion to a fascist mentality enormously appealing and fun, even though, of course, I would oppose this happening.
Obviously.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
16/09/08 Awesome
I recommend you go to see "Man On Wire".
What a brilliant, absolutely compelling tale.
I still can't believe he had the balls to do that.
There was something very eerie about his total self-belief and nervelessness.
I suspect I'm not the first person to say so, but it was great to be presented with
an amazingly memorable, uplifting image in the context of the twin towers, rather than forever associating them with the gruesome footage of planes smashing into the the buildings.
I also saw "The Mighty Boosh" live.
Very funny, but a little bit too much playing at being rock stars with their Boosh Band.
The bits I find funniest are the front-of-curtain banter sections with the 2 of them just riffing with each other and the audience.
When I watched "Morecambe & Wise" as a kid, it was always the similar thing they did at the start of the show which was my favourite bit.
I was never a fan of the big musical numbers or patchy sketches.
I have now gone a month without smoking, as the latest campaign to free myself from the evil addiction gathers momentum.
That's the good news...the bad news is I have to lose some weight again.
As usual I'd lost a fair amount during the Fringe, but coupled with not smoking, I've approached September and food with the attitude of a bear emerging from hibernation, scoffing anything that moves.
Last night I sat down on a stool and it buckled and broke.
This was maybe about to happen regardless of who sat on it, but I can't be sure and I can't afford the expense of hiring a structural engineer to analyse the stool to determine if there had been a certain amount of pre-existing, inherent weakness in the stool.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
13/09/2008 My Lovely Ryder Cup
I took the plunge today and bet on the USA to lift the Ryder Cup.
I feel downright dirty and wrong, but succumbed to my base instincts.
I was unable to resist their current underdog status at the bookies.
I can't help feeling that the plot of this year's event is similar to the Father Ted epsisode in which Dougal & Ted are entered by Ireland into the Eurovision Song Contest as a ploy, to ensure that Ireland have no chance of winning, and therefore don't have to fork out to host yet another event, for the following year.
There is surely a parallel in the decision to appoint Nick Faldo as the Europe captain.
He is a loner with no concept of "team", and as well as being the most successful ever UK golfer, he also the least popular ever with his fellow pros.
He's bound to make some ill-advised remarks which will pump up the Americans, and I just can't see him as the great motivator.
The event itself needs an American win to re-invigorate it, as Europe has started to dominate.
Faldo could be the man to deliver this.
I think this is what the European Golf administrators are planning.
I did my first opening 15 on one of the "weekend" nights at The Stand this week.
I was really happy with the way it went.
It certainly wasn't barnstorming, but after a slow start the middle and end went really well.
I don't recall ever sweating as much as that onstage though.
I'm not sure what the cause was, but I was gushing big time.
Perhaps it was the large anount of wine I'd knocked back the previous evening at a gala dinner thing. Who knows?
I got a lot of positive feedback from random audience members after the event, although on the debit side, a friend of a friend heard someone in the bogs describe me as "shit".
So, no room for complacency then.
Of course, the "shit" comment outweighed all the other positive comments in my post-gig mood, but that's the way it is.
We just want to be loved by everyone I suppose.
Very pathetic and very needy....
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
10/09/2008 Scary
There was an amusing moment during Sarah Palin's speech at the Republican Convention last week, when she proclaimed that one of the consequences of an Obama presidency would be "an increase in death taxes".
At this point the camera cut to an elderly delegate in the audience (looking concerned).
It was immediately clear that the TV production crew viewed her as the audience member most likely to be affected in the short term by this alleged impact of Democratic fiscal policy.
You also see this kind of thing at the Oscars ceremony.
Every year there is a poignant section in which images of movie people, who have passed on during the current year, are flashed onto the screen.
At the end of this montage, the camera flashes round the auditorium, blatantly pinpointing those in the audience who might make it into next year's remembrance section.
I had a troublesome gig at The Stand last week in which some drunken twat shouted out all through my set.
I couldn't make sense of what he was trying to say, so just ploughed on...but not a very enjoyable show.
But on a more positive note, I went round my golf course in level par.
As a moment of sporting triumph, this knocks our successful Olympic athletes into a cocked hat.
I've never done this at Dalmeny before.
It's unprecedented.
I can tell you're impressed.
Never mind...
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